Catastrophy

It was four years ago that my wife conned me into going to Feline Friends to buy a dog and ended up with three kittens.

I should have been weary by the name but then intelligence was never my strongest suit.

Four years later; Iam now housekeeping for the real owner of the house. Her name is Maya and shes is cow in a cat’s disguise.Shes big.

Shes the last remnants of the 3 kittens my wife had adopted. One died of kidney problems. His name was Aztec and my favourite because he was actually a dog pretending to be cat. Then there was Inca, who on hindsight I think, was a bird trying to be a cat, because she tried to fly from the balcony to join a persistent pigeon and became a rug.

My wife was devastated.

Ok. I admit, so was I . Very momentarily, mind you.

Because I still got Maya for company and apparently not only these guys have got 9 lives , they live for twenty years. You do the maths. They are immortals given the opportunity.

Personally Iam a dog guy. Hell, I even got a friend called Dog. Nobody can accuse of me being fickle.

Give me a canine who welcomes me by acting like a four year old on cocaine every time he sees me. Not a creature who rubs against me like those old creepy fuckers one encounters on our Kerala transport buses.

Cat lovers scares me. They are passionate and they love cats. Most of them are women and Iam scared of both. They can be mean and both got nails.

My wife is not an exclusive cat lover. She feels the need to protect and save all animals and I like eating them.

I feel cats are not loving. Wife swears that Iam wrong. She told me an instance when she was crying ( nothing to do with me - I swear ) and Maya came next to her, rubbed against her and meowed continuously , very concerned. Iam sure in cat language all Maya was pointing out was that her litter needed cleaning .

People say that cats are mysterious. I say nonsense. That look you see on a cats face is an expression of puzzle of how they got human beings as their pets.

For Maya, Iam her bed, her source of food and on many occasion her shit shifter. Not a great job description for God's greatest creation. No wonder they are never mentioned in the Bible.

God hates cats. So much so He named himself backward after his favourite pet.

Let me be honest. Its not like I hate cats. I dont. I love all animals. I got brothers.

Its just that my current life is becoming hair raising; literally.

Maya is pure white. Both her eyes are of different colors and shes got more hair loss than John Travolta.

I wear black. Its an uncomplicated color. So you can understand my annoyance.

I have tried everything. Adhesive tape wrapped around my hand, vacuum cleaner, that 3M rolling thingy; but nothing actually really works. My clothes still look like something out of Woolworth.

My options are simple. Shave her or dye her black.

But Iam scared of the consequences. Wife maybe 1679 miles away but she can still pack a punch from a distance.

So for the time being...

Excuse me, I think its time for me to go and clean the litter.


Note : I kinda know that putting shaving and cat in a post is bound to solicit a certain type of comments. Refrain. My father in law reads my blogs and I like walking.