Nothing is more irritating than a middle aged friend of yours who has turned a new leaf.
Whats with these morons who has a minor heart problem and the next thing you know, the guy is eating like a cow instead of eating a cow and has given up the finer things in life like a good glass of scotch and smokes. Why would anyone want to live a life like that?
Die , you bastard , die.
Worse than that guy is the romantic husband .
These fakers should be lined up against the wall and shot.
No man who is happily married is romantic to his wife. Show me a guy, who writes notes to his wife , gives her flowers every morning ,whisper mushy nonsense in her ears and holds her hand in public; and I will show you a man who is creating a smoke screen to cover a guilt.
Men who are content in their status as husbands are not romantic. Romance is a mean to attain the woman. Once the woman is attained we go about providing and protecting. We see no need to waste time on repeatedly pretending to attain something that is already attained. Any married man who is romantic is an insult to his wife. It means either he is still wooing you ( which means he is not secure in your love for him) or hes cheating on you .
Allow me to elaborate.
Men don't talk to other men about their wives when they meet up. We don't sit and chat about how great our married lives are or what a great lay our wives are or what great cooks they are.
We don't.
We don't talk about you. We don't talk about the state of our marriage amongst ourselves ( we save that for another man's wife). Contrary to popular myth, men don't discuss sex when they get together.
Watch out for that guy who waxes eloquence about his married life. That man is not happy in his marriage. He is just trying to convince himself that he is. Men hate men like that.We pity them. We wish he would shut up so that we can carry on our conversation about our cars.
We love our cars. We treat our cars better than we treat ourselves. We service our cars at regular intervals, wash it regularly, spend pots of money on it but we probably will never give that kind of attention to ourselves. Why? This is how men love their possession.
Marriage means to belong. It means to possess. It means you will always come before us. So the day you start cribbing about love being about freedom and craves for the ridiculous non possessive love (wtf?) , we start paying more attention to our cars.
A loving man owns his wife. That's how he relates to his wife. That's what makes him your husband. Marriage is ownership. Each owns the other. The difference is in the ways we treat things we own.
Women somehow never seem to be happy with one pair of shoes do they?
So there you have it.
How to know if your husband loves you?
He will not talk about you. He will not waste money on buying you flowers and guilt gifts.He will take you for granted.He will treat you like his car.
So if your hubby is the sort who makes other men gag , then I suggest , its time you start checking his collars and ramaging through his pant pockets.
Maybe I dont have to line up and shoot 'em after all.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Lost & Found
One of my blogger friends called today to tell me that her ex has lost his mother.
I curbed my first instinct to ask her, 'where?'.
Years of married life has taught me to be polite and the art of pretending to care.
After going on for sometime about the suffering of the poor woman, she consoled herself by telling me that she must be in a better place ( Not my blogger friend,who is still alive, so she must have been referring to the 'lost' woman).
I have a problem when people tell me things with certainty about things they possibly can have no clue about.
Better place?
Let us go with the popular assumption that we are all some sort of energy expressing our self. In which case the body is the vessel through which we choose to do this expression.
With me so far?
Since the body to a large part is a sensory device, this world we see around us then must be perceived through the functions of our senses. More or less. So it stands to reason that when we die; if this energy actually exists and this energy is what you and I really are; then devoid of the body everything around us will cease to exist because we cannot perceive it anymore. Its not that it does not exist but it just cannot be perceived anymore. This should be death. Right?
Actually it cant be that simple. But it sounds nice because it ties everything up very nicely. Problem is , will we be able to perceive us as our self? Possibly not. Without a reference point, which the duality of body and soul concept conveniently provides, I cannot point to one and say this one is me. Therein , my friends lies the paradox of death. For all practical purpose, it seems that with death, you and I cease to exist.
Better place? I have no idea. I cant even my bend my mind around the concept of a world without perception. You try it.
My friend thinks Iam cold. Iam not.
She thinks Iam morbid. Iam not.
She feels the dead should be respected because life is sacred and a person's death leaves a void. That effect of a person's life on another should be respected.
You think? I have no idea.
I dont know this person. Neither does my friend.Atleast not intimately. Any void she must feel is probably self induced. In this virtual voyeuristic world, where one can be kind to a nation by swiping a card, its probably self satisfying to assume that we care because we can shed tears in front of the TV screen.
We care.
Iam not belittling anything. Emotions are emotions. But lets be realistic. I certainly didn't lose my sleep when a plane went down and 96 people died.Some one's parent, husband, wife, brother, son, daughter..what have you. The only void they must have left is in the thoughts and life of those whose life was intertwined with theirs intensely. That void too will fill up.Eventually. The dead are carried only by the living. Like Siva carrying the body of Uma until the rotten carcass fell piece by piece on earth. Dead do not leave any void. The void is in the living.
As for respect. The dead don't seem to care too much for it.
So my question, my friend, still remains :
Where did your ex lose his mother?
I curbed my first instinct to ask her, 'where?'.
Years of married life has taught me to be polite and the art of pretending to care.
After going on for sometime about the suffering of the poor woman, she consoled herself by telling me that she must be in a better place ( Not my blogger friend,who is still alive, so she must have been referring to the 'lost' woman).
I have a problem when people tell me things with certainty about things they possibly can have no clue about.
Better place?
Let us go with the popular assumption that we are all some sort of energy expressing our self. In which case the body is the vessel through which we choose to do this expression.
With me so far?
Since the body to a large part is a sensory device, this world we see around us then must be perceived through the functions of our senses. More or less. So it stands to reason that when we die; if this energy actually exists and this energy is what you and I really are; then devoid of the body everything around us will cease to exist because we cannot perceive it anymore. Its not that it does not exist but it just cannot be perceived anymore. This should be death. Right?
Actually it cant be that simple. But it sounds nice because it ties everything up very nicely. Problem is , will we be able to perceive us as our self? Possibly not. Without a reference point, which the duality of body and soul concept conveniently provides, I cannot point to one and say this one is me. Therein , my friends lies the paradox of death. For all practical purpose, it seems that with death, you and I cease to exist.
Better place? I have no idea. I cant even my bend my mind around the concept of a world without perception. You try it.
My friend thinks Iam cold. Iam not.
She thinks Iam morbid. Iam not.
She feels the dead should be respected because life is sacred and a person's death leaves a void. That effect of a person's life on another should be respected.
You think? I have no idea.
I dont know this person. Neither does my friend.Atleast not intimately. Any void she must feel is probably self induced. In this virtual voyeuristic world, where one can be kind to a nation by swiping a card, its probably self satisfying to assume that we care because we can shed tears in front of the TV screen.
We care.
Iam not belittling anything. Emotions are emotions. But lets be realistic. I certainly didn't lose my sleep when a plane went down and 96 people died.Some one's parent, husband, wife, brother, son, daughter..what have you. The only void they must have left is in the thoughts and life of those whose life was intertwined with theirs intensely. That void too will fill up.Eventually. The dead are carried only by the living. Like Siva carrying the body of Uma until the rotten carcass fell piece by piece on earth. Dead do not leave any void. The void is in the living.
As for respect. The dead don't seem to care too much for it.
So my question, my friend, still remains :
Where did your ex lose his mother?
Sunday, April 4, 2010
i cad
I bought my laptop in 2006. My mobile phone is around 4 years old too. I think the tech savvy part of my personality died around the same time.
I think I just gave up trying to keep up.
My current plan is to wait it out and see all the new fads come and go until we develop a technology that will make us Omnipotent, where we become part of the cosmos and each part of us is aware of the action and thought of another.
Who needs Apple ipad after that?
The only competition will be from heaven.
How cool is that? I can just picture the advertisements. On second thoughts, it wont be necessary since I would have already known it by the time they had conceived it.
Iam a potato and gravy kind of a guy. I have never been that into gadgets.It could also be due to my low IQ which cannot process the instruction manual that comes along with those gizmos. My first mobile could be used as a dumbbell but its functions were simple; you press the required numbers, talk on it and then press another button to disconnect. I still don't know most of the functions of the one I own now. Its 4 years old but I heard it can replace my wife if I had bothered to read the manual properly.
I like gadgets. I like that it exists. I may not like to own it. Since owning it will mean having to learn to operate it. My learning curve went south when I was around 10 and its showing no signs of returning anytime now. But I like that there are things out there which can take a Britney up skirt picture, help Paris improve her nocturnal moves, record ex presidents make racial slurs, calculate the exact date when the banks will put us on the streets, listen to the latest about Fergis' lovely humps, watch the latest beheading from the Islamic independent movie makers , google 'nude muscled chicks' and call the supermarket to send home 5 sodas and a packet of Marlboro lights for the evening session with JD.
Life!
I like progress. I have no idea where we are headed but its great to know we are moving. Its a heady feeling. This thing called movement. I like to think that progress means theres some sort of movement involved. That we are all going towards something. Heading towards the end of the rainbow or something. Iam pretty optimistic about things. Even though Iam in the cheering squad for the 2012 deluge, I still feel theres something beautiful being concerned about something so simple as wanting to google 'naked muscled chicks' on a gadget that floats to the ground should you happen to drop it.
My workmates have been trying to convince me to buy a blackberry.I don't even want to know what that one does. If it makes jam, Iam willing to give it a try. I wanted to go in for a Wii Fit. I thought that if I can lose a couple of pounds playing video games then I should give it a shot. But technology had brought sports indoors. If I wanted to sweat I would have had sex you fuck face.
I have to go now. Its a long drive back home and I think I will listen to the radio like I always do. Theres an element of surprise in a radio. You never know whats going to come next. I like radio.I like drives.I like long winding roads leading home.
Happy Easter.
I think I just gave up trying to keep up.
My current plan is to wait it out and see all the new fads come and go until we develop a technology that will make us Omnipotent, where we become part of the cosmos and each part of us is aware of the action and thought of another.
Who needs Apple ipad after that?
The only competition will be from heaven.
How cool is that? I can just picture the advertisements. On second thoughts, it wont be necessary since I would have already known it by the time they had conceived it.
Iam a potato and gravy kind of a guy. I have never been that into gadgets.It could also be due to my low IQ which cannot process the instruction manual that comes along with those gizmos. My first mobile could be used as a dumbbell but its functions were simple; you press the required numbers, talk on it and then press another button to disconnect. I still don't know most of the functions of the one I own now. Its 4 years old but I heard it can replace my wife if I had bothered to read the manual properly.
I like gadgets. I like that it exists. I may not like to own it. Since owning it will mean having to learn to operate it. My learning curve went south when I was around 10 and its showing no signs of returning anytime now. But I like that there are things out there which can take a Britney up skirt picture, help Paris improve her nocturnal moves, record ex presidents make racial slurs, calculate the exact date when the banks will put us on the streets, listen to the latest about Fergis' lovely humps, watch the latest beheading from the Islamic independent movie makers , google 'nude muscled chicks' and call the supermarket to send home 5 sodas and a packet of Marlboro lights for the evening session with JD.
Life!
I like progress. I have no idea where we are headed but its great to know we are moving. Its a heady feeling. This thing called movement. I like to think that progress means theres some sort of movement involved. That we are all going towards something. Heading towards the end of the rainbow or something. Iam pretty optimistic about things. Even though Iam in the cheering squad for the 2012 deluge, I still feel theres something beautiful being concerned about something so simple as wanting to google 'naked muscled chicks' on a gadget that floats to the ground should you happen to drop it.
My workmates have been trying to convince me to buy a blackberry.I don't even want to know what that one does. If it makes jam, Iam willing to give it a try. I wanted to go in for a Wii Fit. I thought that if I can lose a couple of pounds playing video games then I should give it a shot. But technology had brought sports indoors. If I wanted to sweat I would have had sex you fuck face.
I have to go now. Its a long drive back home and I think I will listen to the radio like I always do. Theres an element of surprise in a radio. You never know whats going to come next. I like radio.I like drives.I like long winding roads leading home.
Happy Easter.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
More on knots..
People have often wondered why I incessantly talk about marriage.
Actually they don't ,but I would like to believe what I write here is read by millions ,sparking global debates and that there are millions waiting with bated breath about my wise opinions on current matters.
Truth could be less flattering, Iam sure. For all I know, Iam probably as insignificant as the blond pubic hair on the nonexistent panties of Paris Hilton.
Thing is, I have always felt that marriage is one relationship that needs tending. Every other relationship ,you are more or less stuck with irrespective of your thoughts or opinions on it.Friendship not included but see what can happen to that when you put conditions on it that needs your signatures. Marriage is a different matter all together. It requires constant shifting, nudging, positioning, pushing, pulling etc to finally find a comfortable coexistence.Commitment to a relationship does not need a law, it only requires a want. Marriage is , to me at least, a companionship made legal.
Theres something wrong with that.
The moment something like this is made legal or made to fit in with some rules and regulation, the whole thing ends up becoming a game.
A game you either win or lose.
I think this is why all most all marriages don't survive and the ones that does are the ones where one of the partner is beaten down to level of nonresistance or absolute indifference.Then there are the ones who has fought themselves to a stalemate, where theres a functional coexistence without feeling. The few that does blossom into beautiful relationships are the ones who don't care if they were married or not. The marriage is not their focus. The relationship is. Marriage is man made. Relationships are choices.
Marriage , like any law made by man has average people behind it. The reasoning behind any law is always fear. Let me explain how it all began.
In the beginning was our Neanderthal ancestor ,Err.
A handsome hunk of a specimen, who also towered 2 feet above his average male peers. He was the terror among the saber tooths to whom he became akin to a bogeyman when putting their long fanged cubs to sleep. It came as no surprise that he had the females of the herd (his own kind not the sabertooths', but it would not surprise me if proven otherwise) bending over backwards at the sight of him.Such was his stature among his herd that he, very obviously ,evoked intense jealousy and suspicion from his average brethren.
Since average is always the majority, one of the most average among the lot, who was known as Forr, who had the hots for a neanderthal lass called Eve, decided to call in the council of averages to protect themselves against the valour and might of Err and others like him. He had also noticed that its just a matter of time before Err notices Eve and then all will be lost for Forr who will then have to be satisfied with the pleasures that his opposable thumb can provide.
The council put their simian heads together and came up with the idea of marriage. This way their rights over their women was guaranteed .The majority can ensure that the rules of engagements are carried out by threats of punishments, outcasting etc. The average man does not have to compete with the alpha male nor the average female compete with super Eves. So who cares about the evolution and that the future generations will be spawns of averages. All Forr cared was for Eve.
Thus marriage was born.
Like the saying goes,
To Err is human but to Forr Eve is divine.
Actually they don't ,but I would like to believe what I write here is read by millions ,sparking global debates and that there are millions waiting with bated breath about my wise opinions on current matters.
Truth could be less flattering, Iam sure. For all I know, Iam probably as insignificant as the blond pubic hair on the nonexistent panties of Paris Hilton.
Thing is, I have always felt that marriage is one relationship that needs tending. Every other relationship ,you are more or less stuck with irrespective of your thoughts or opinions on it.Friendship not included but see what can happen to that when you put conditions on it that needs your signatures. Marriage is a different matter all together. It requires constant shifting, nudging, positioning, pushing, pulling etc to finally find a comfortable coexistence.Commitment to a relationship does not need a law, it only requires a want. Marriage is , to me at least, a companionship made legal.
Theres something wrong with that.
The moment something like this is made legal or made to fit in with some rules and regulation, the whole thing ends up becoming a game.
A game you either win or lose.
I think this is why all most all marriages don't survive and the ones that does are the ones where one of the partner is beaten down to level of nonresistance or absolute indifference.Then there are the ones who has fought themselves to a stalemate, where theres a functional coexistence without feeling. The few that does blossom into beautiful relationships are the ones who don't care if they were married or not. The marriage is not their focus. The relationship is. Marriage is man made. Relationships are choices.
Marriage , like any law made by man has average people behind it. The reasoning behind any law is always fear. Let me explain how it all began.
In the beginning was our Neanderthal ancestor ,Err.
A handsome hunk of a specimen, who also towered 2 feet above his average male peers. He was the terror among the saber tooths to whom he became akin to a bogeyman when putting their long fanged cubs to sleep. It came as no surprise that he had the females of the herd (his own kind not the sabertooths', but it would not surprise me if proven otherwise) bending over backwards at the sight of him.Such was his stature among his herd that he, very obviously ,evoked intense jealousy and suspicion from his average brethren.
Since average is always the majority, one of the most average among the lot, who was known as Forr, who had the hots for a neanderthal lass called Eve, decided to call in the council of averages to protect themselves against the valour and might of Err and others like him. He had also noticed that its just a matter of time before Err notices Eve and then all will be lost for Forr who will then have to be satisfied with the pleasures that his opposable thumb can provide.
The council put their simian heads together and came up with the idea of marriage. This way their rights over their women was guaranteed .The majority can ensure that the rules of engagements are carried out by threats of punishments, outcasting etc. The average man does not have to compete with the alpha male nor the average female compete with super Eves. So who cares about the evolution and that the future generations will be spawns of averages. All Forr cared was for Eve.
Thus marriage was born.
Like the saying goes,
To Err is human but to Forr Eve is divine.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I want to believe
I have been awarded.
By Hip Grandma none the less!
For a guy who has spend most of his educational years, ( I use that term very loosely) standing on the bench or outside the classroom, this is a great deal for me. This means at the age of 40, teachers are finally beginning to like me.
My mother will be so proud of me.
Anyhow.
Here are the required 7 little known things about me. (Does this mean I should write 7 little known, things about me or 7 little , known things about me? Thing is tags like this makes me realize how little there is to me. I would like to believe that my life has been an open book. There are not many skeletons in my closets that can come back to haunt me. Here's the trick to discourage potential blackmailers, don't do anything that you have to hide from yourself and if you did, then don't care if anyone finds out. Theres more to life than being held accountable by others for the mistakes you make in your own life. Come to think of it, it seems like a mistake only when you consider an other. Without another, there are never any mistakes, only events.
- Iam quite. Really. In the intervals between my ranting theres nothing really happening in my head. Even when I speak its almost spontaneous.So being afflicted with foot in the mouth syndrome is to a large extent a malady. This is not some thoughtless stage. You are the some total of your thoughts.Not meant in a philosophical sense but when you think about it, you are. You are a bundle of memories of events and actions. I bet you cant feel for that child when you look at your baby snaps. You remember him but you are not him anymore.I don't connect with my past. It always seemed as if it happened to someone else. I recall it , remember it but there are no great emotions attached to it. It seems to be just was.
- Rejecting things and ideas comes naturally to me. It also helps being undisciplined. Iam not blessed with the faculty of learning from an other. It seems to also help that I dont blame or is grateful to something other than myself. I have made many choices that might seem like mistakes to others but I feel that it was somehow required to make me what Iam today... a completely stupid man.
- Iam not ambitious. I have no competitiveness in me. You want to win, go ahead. I have never tried to be better than anyone. But I do enjoy doing the best I can but most of the time I don't. I probably use about 20% of what Iam capable of but I don't care. There seems to be no point in using the remaining 80% apart from proving it exist. Its also wonderful that it only requires minimal effort to survive this life.
- Iam persistent. Iam like that Hockey masked guy from Halloween. I keep coming back. I can keep getting up no matter how much Iam beaten down. There must be a real masochistic streak in me. I normally see things through.Iam very stubborn.I do things my way. I cannot take orders. I just don't. If I ever do, it will be with real resentment and it will come through one day.
- I have spend a day in jail during my college days. I got beaten up the whole night by 2 cops who wanted me to sign an FIR they had written of things I have never done. I never did sign it. Refer previous point.
- Iam not an easy person to be with on a continuous basis. Ask my wife. Iam OK in small doses. Kinda like tequila shots.
- Iam not here.I think I died in 1996.
Iam not tagging anyone in particular but I would advice anyone reading this to take it on. It kind of gives you an opportunity to indulge in yourself. The best part will be trying to believe it yourself.
By Hip Grandma none the less!
For a guy who has spend most of his educational years, ( I use that term very loosely) standing on the bench or outside the classroom, this is a great deal for me. This means at the age of 40, teachers are finally beginning to like me.
My mother will be so proud of me.
Anyhow.
Here are the required 7 little known things about me. (Does this mean I should write 7 little known, things about me or 7 little , known things about me? Thing is tags like this makes me realize how little there is to me. I would like to believe that my life has been an open book. There are not many skeletons in my closets that can come back to haunt me. Here's the trick to discourage potential blackmailers, don't do anything that you have to hide from yourself and if you did, then don't care if anyone finds out. Theres more to life than being held accountable by others for the mistakes you make in your own life. Come to think of it, it seems like a mistake only when you consider an other. Without another, there are never any mistakes, only events.
- Iam quite. Really. In the intervals between my ranting theres nothing really happening in my head. Even when I speak its almost spontaneous.So being afflicted with foot in the mouth syndrome is to a large extent a malady. This is not some thoughtless stage. You are the some total of your thoughts.Not meant in a philosophical sense but when you think about it, you are. You are a bundle of memories of events and actions. I bet you cant feel for that child when you look at your baby snaps. You remember him but you are not him anymore.I don't connect with my past. It always seemed as if it happened to someone else. I recall it , remember it but there are no great emotions attached to it. It seems to be just was.
- Rejecting things and ideas comes naturally to me. It also helps being undisciplined. Iam not blessed with the faculty of learning from an other. It seems to also help that I dont blame or is grateful to something other than myself. I have made many choices that might seem like mistakes to others but I feel that it was somehow required to make me what Iam today... a completely stupid man.
- Iam not ambitious. I have no competitiveness in me. You want to win, go ahead. I have never tried to be better than anyone. But I do enjoy doing the best I can but most of the time I don't. I probably use about 20% of what Iam capable of but I don't care. There seems to be no point in using the remaining 80% apart from proving it exist. Its also wonderful that it only requires minimal effort to survive this life.
- Iam persistent. Iam like that Hockey masked guy from Halloween. I keep coming back. I can keep getting up no matter how much Iam beaten down. There must be a real masochistic streak in me. I normally see things through.Iam very stubborn.I do things my way. I cannot take orders. I just don't. If I ever do, it will be with real resentment and it will come through one day.
- I have spend a day in jail during my college days. I got beaten up the whole night by 2 cops who wanted me to sign an FIR they had written of things I have never done. I never did sign it. Refer previous point.
- Iam not an easy person to be with on a continuous basis. Ask my wife. Iam OK in small doses. Kinda like tequila shots.
- Iam not here.I think I died in 1996.
Iam not tagging anyone in particular but I would advice anyone reading this to take it on. It kind of gives you an opportunity to indulge in yourself. The best part will be trying to believe it yourself.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Check out any time you like but...
I have a friend who is recently divorced.
I like the guy but if he doesn't stop flaunting his suddenly acquired bachelor status, I will probably have to accidentally drop the bowling ball on his tender regions the next time we go blowing.
Please don't attribute my seemingly violent reaction to a case of jealousy. Theres hardly anything worth being jealous about a guy who no longer has someone to tell him when to stop his sojourn with the bottle and eat his food.Without a woman by his side, a man is like a loose cannon; aimless, reckless and carefree. How can any normal married man be jealous of something like that?
Give me marriage any day.
Being committed is what marriage is about. Iam aware that being committed is something one normally associate with suicide and institutions the like of one flew over the cuckoos nest. But Iam not afraid. I like being married.
Whats with a recently demarried person that makes him such an in your face dating machine. Aren't these guys required to at least have a decent period of mourning accompanied with lying in the gutter drunk,with at least an acceptable level of suicidal tendencies? I feel its vulgar to be so damn happy about cutting ties with a burden that you have promised to love for life so help me god.
One day he landed up at my place to borrow my knapsack because he wanted to go on a backpack trip to Dharmashala. I like my knapsack. I have full intention to use it one day. I like surrounding myself with things that represent a healthy lifestyle. Its all about visualization. You will know if you have ever bothered to read the book 'The Secret'. My wife says that Iam out of shape. I don't think so. Iam very much in shape. It may not be her conventional idea of a shape but its a shape nevertheless.
Anyhow.
So this guy takes my knapsack and goes. Later on I find out through the desperate housewives gossip vine of my friends that he has taken off with a girl. I don't understand. When you decide to annul your divine contract, I thought the last thing you would want is a female company. What is it about a human that makes him repeat the same mistakes again and again? Or is female company more pleasurable when there are no contractual agreements attached to it? I don't know. I love being married.
I have always thought that man invented marriage for free sex,housekeeping and food. If he thought he had it made, Iam afraid he was way off his intended goal. Sex is the first to be sacrificed in the altar of marriage. As for food, unless you happen to be Tiger Wood, your survival is a necessity for your wife. Theres a probable chance that somewhere along the way your diet is going make you wonder if you should get up in the morning and moo. But ask any married man and he will tell you that he wouldn't have it any other way. No. We are not scared. We are just deliriously happy.
Ever noticed how contagious marriage is? I remember when I was just out of college and working, one of our classmate got hitched. Within a week, another 2 got married. By the end of the month the number had increased to 20. It was like being in the midst of the 13th century black plague. By the end of 2 years only about 3 remained. They had some sort of immunity. Since misery loves company, we , the espoused, would spend hours at parties extolling the wonderful institution of marriage to these 3 pagans untill it dawned to us that we were casting pearls before swines. They were gay.
Now that gay marriages are permitted, I don't think they will survive the infection long. Eventually we all seek to anchor ourselves.
Then there are these anomalies. The ones that has broken away from the society established method of documented love. We see them at our parties. We notice their high pitched laugh. We condemn the fact that they are the last to leave a party and when they do they have a member of the opposite sex driving them home. We notice that there are no bags under their eyes ; they sleep through the weekends.
We notice. Inwardly we feel immense pity for these lost sheep. We invite them home for them to get an inside view of a joyous union. We encourage them to play with our children. We hope that somewhere , when junior pukes over their polo t-shirt, a paternal/maternal spark will be ignited. We let them bathe in the glorious light of our divine communion. We hope that we will be able to save their souls and lead them back to the light.
We like being married.
In the meantime, I want my fucking knapsack back.
I like the guy but if he doesn't stop flaunting his suddenly acquired bachelor status, I will probably have to accidentally drop the bowling ball on his tender regions the next time we go blowing.
Please don't attribute my seemingly violent reaction to a case of jealousy. Theres hardly anything worth being jealous about a guy who no longer has someone to tell him when to stop his sojourn with the bottle and eat his food.Without a woman by his side, a man is like a loose cannon; aimless, reckless and carefree. How can any normal married man be jealous of something like that?
Give me marriage any day.
Being committed is what marriage is about. Iam aware that being committed is something one normally associate with suicide and institutions the like of one flew over the cuckoos nest. But Iam not afraid. I like being married.
Whats with a recently demarried person that makes him such an in your face dating machine. Aren't these guys required to at least have a decent period of mourning accompanied with lying in the gutter drunk,with at least an acceptable level of suicidal tendencies? I feel its vulgar to be so damn happy about cutting ties with a burden that you have promised to love for life so help me god.
One day he landed up at my place to borrow my knapsack because he wanted to go on a backpack trip to Dharmashala. I like my knapsack. I have full intention to use it one day. I like surrounding myself with things that represent a healthy lifestyle. Its all about visualization. You will know if you have ever bothered to read the book 'The Secret'. My wife says that Iam out of shape. I don't think so. Iam very much in shape. It may not be her conventional idea of a shape but its a shape nevertheless.
Anyhow.
So this guy takes my knapsack and goes. Later on I find out through the desperate housewives gossip vine of my friends that he has taken off with a girl. I don't understand. When you decide to annul your divine contract, I thought the last thing you would want is a female company. What is it about a human that makes him repeat the same mistakes again and again? Or is female company more pleasurable when there are no contractual agreements attached to it? I don't know. I love being married.
I have always thought that man invented marriage for free sex,housekeeping and food. If he thought he had it made, Iam afraid he was way off his intended goal. Sex is the first to be sacrificed in the altar of marriage. As for food, unless you happen to be Tiger Wood, your survival is a necessity for your wife. Theres a probable chance that somewhere along the way your diet is going make you wonder if you should get up in the morning and moo. But ask any married man and he will tell you that he wouldn't have it any other way. No. We are not scared. We are just deliriously happy.
Ever noticed how contagious marriage is? I remember when I was just out of college and working, one of our classmate got hitched. Within a week, another 2 got married. By the end of the month the number had increased to 20. It was like being in the midst of the 13th century black plague. By the end of 2 years only about 3 remained. They had some sort of immunity. Since misery loves company, we , the espoused, would spend hours at parties extolling the wonderful institution of marriage to these 3 pagans untill it dawned to us that we were casting pearls before swines. They were gay.
Now that gay marriages are permitted, I don't think they will survive the infection long. Eventually we all seek to anchor ourselves.
Then there are these anomalies. The ones that has broken away from the society established method of documented love. We see them at our parties. We notice their high pitched laugh. We condemn the fact that they are the last to leave a party and when they do they have a member of the opposite sex driving them home. We notice that there are no bags under their eyes ; they sleep through the weekends.
We notice. Inwardly we feel immense pity for these lost sheep. We invite them home for them to get an inside view of a joyous union. We encourage them to play with our children. We hope that somewhere , when junior pukes over their polo t-shirt, a paternal/maternal spark will be ignited. We let them bathe in the glorious light of our divine communion. We hope that we will be able to save their souls and lead them back to the light.
We like being married.
In the meantime, I want my fucking knapsack back.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Love the one you with.
I really love it when science catches up with what I always knew.
Despite being a modest sort of fellow, I would like draw your errant attention to a study that has been done in some country where people can afford to spend money and time on such important things other than on mundane stuff like hunger and poverty.
The case in point is about parenting.
Considering that we have been at it now for close to a couple of 10,000 years, we would think that we would have got the hang of it by now.
Apparently not.
The new study shows that loving your spouse and paying attention to your marriage is more conducive to having your children grow up to be balanced, happy individuals. In short, if you love your children, fix your husband a drink. Preferably wearing spandex.
I always knew this. Its like other things I know. Like that god died in 1546, in a landslide off the coast of Hawaii when he was on vacation with Venus, and his body was never found. One day they are going to dig deep enough and find that body and the world is going to go: Ah, Tys told us so!
But in regards to parenting, I believe that Iam an expert. It comes from being in a position to observe. My wife does the running around,slapping her head in frustration bit etc while I watch and learn. As you are aware , in order for true wisdom, you need to distance yourself from the activities. The distance gives you a 360 degree perception. Laziness also helps.
I have noticed that today's parenting is mostly what has been aptly termed ; by the same people who gave us 'window of opportunity', 'weapons of mass destruction' and 'misunderestimate'; as helicopter parenting.
This is where the said parent hovers around their child/ren, ensuring that they are safe, protected, loved, isolated, bubble wrapped and made ready to face the world.
According to the study this raises a generation of adults who are neurotic, selfish, anxious and depressed. I know it sounds like the general description of a normal human being but this can be changed.
How you ask?
By loving your spouse. This creates an environment of a stable loving relationship that provides a nurturing ground for children who watches and learns the values and ideals of human interaction and relationships, which is what living in a society really requires.
This is why people in Bombay are loving people. ( Note that I didn't say Mumbai, and I wont be out there trying to kill you if you prefer calling Thiruananthapuram, Trivandrum.)
In the majority of Indian homes , which consists of a single room, parental loving is a disturbing reality for its children. So we grow up ,wanting to barf at the mention of sex due to the memory of our loving parents, but nevertheless, balanced and a shining role model of an ideal human being. This is also why we boast of the largest number of people who prefer to become celibates and god man. Nothing kills good old sex than your parents and god.
So, to all the parents out there, next time the ankle biter fails in his 1st grade exams, or falls and grazes his/her knees in the play ground; drop everything , grab your spouse and kiss like theres no tomorrow.
This is what the world needs now. If not for anything, lets do it for our children.
Despite being a modest sort of fellow, I would like draw your errant attention to a study that has been done in some country where people can afford to spend money and time on such important things other than on mundane stuff like hunger and poverty.
The case in point is about parenting.
Considering that we have been at it now for close to a couple of 10,000 years, we would think that we would have got the hang of it by now.
Apparently not.
The new study shows that loving your spouse and paying attention to your marriage is more conducive to having your children grow up to be balanced, happy individuals. In short, if you love your children, fix your husband a drink. Preferably wearing spandex.
I always knew this. Its like other things I know. Like that god died in 1546, in a landslide off the coast of Hawaii when he was on vacation with Venus, and his body was never found. One day they are going to dig deep enough and find that body and the world is going to go: Ah, Tys told us so!
But in regards to parenting, I believe that Iam an expert. It comes from being in a position to observe. My wife does the running around,slapping her head in frustration bit etc while I watch and learn. As you are aware , in order for true wisdom, you need to distance yourself from the activities. The distance gives you a 360 degree perception. Laziness also helps.
I have noticed that today's parenting is mostly what has been aptly termed ; by the same people who gave us 'window of opportunity', 'weapons of mass destruction' and 'misunderestimate'; as helicopter parenting.
This is where the said parent hovers around their child/ren, ensuring that they are safe, protected, loved, isolated, bubble wrapped and made ready to face the world.
According to the study this raises a generation of adults who are neurotic, selfish, anxious and depressed. I know it sounds like the general description of a normal human being but this can be changed.
How you ask?
By loving your spouse. This creates an environment of a stable loving relationship that provides a nurturing ground for children who watches and learns the values and ideals of human interaction and relationships, which is what living in a society really requires.
This is why people in Bombay are loving people. ( Note that I didn't say Mumbai, and I wont be out there trying to kill you if you prefer calling Thiruananthapuram, Trivandrum.)
In the majority of Indian homes , which consists of a single room, parental loving is a disturbing reality for its children. So we grow up ,wanting to barf at the mention of sex due to the memory of our loving parents, but nevertheless, balanced and a shining role model of an ideal human being. This is also why we boast of the largest number of people who prefer to become celibates and god man. Nothing kills good old sex than your parents and god.
So, to all the parents out there, next time the ankle biter fails in his 1st grade exams, or falls and grazes his/her knees in the play ground; drop everything , grab your spouse and kiss like theres no tomorrow.
This is what the world needs now. If not for anything, lets do it for our children.
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