Snake in the Monkey's shadow.

There are things in the spoken words that I find irritating. Especially when its being used with reverence as some sort of answer to all problems.

Tolerance.

Be tolerant of another's belief, they say. Live in tolerance of others.

Iam tolerant of my cat. I come to nearly killing it when I find it has used my cupboard as a nesting, thereby turning all my black clothes into tweeds. Iam merely tolerating it until it completes another 7 years and die of old age. If it uses its 9 lives, Iam fucked.

To me tolerating means living with it despite not liking it (Dang, that sounds like most marriages). This is somehow supposed to be the way to be. What the fuck!

My theory is don't be tolerant. Don't tolerate me. Know that neither you are me nor me you . If you don't understand me or what I stand for, that's fine. Its natural. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. I don't understand you either. Iam fine with it. How about being nice to each other? How about ACCEPTING instead of EXPECTING?

Better, nah?

Compromise.

Whew, this one is really tough. I have seen this being thrown around all the time.

I cant stand my husbands side of the family. I think my mother in law is actually Indira Gandhi in disguise!

Compromise, dear.

Drunken husbands, cheating wives,conniving relatives...

Compromise dear, for the sake of the children.

Loss of individuality, depressions, feeling mired in?

Compromise , for the sake of stability.

Compromise.

You know the problem with a compromise? The problem still remains, only you have now from the role of a perceived victim became a martyr. Soon, you will need acknowledgement of your sacrifice. When that's not forthcoming ( why should it? since the problem is yours to begin with and the solution you have found is a burial of self), resentment will set in.

I have a problem with compromise.

I never compromise.

If it appears like I did, then I probably did it because the problem was bigger than me and I chose the chicken way out. I compromised because I had no other choice. I don't like it but I did it nevertheless. I don't expect a standing ovation for it.

Ideally, I think, there should never be a compromise in a relationship. Of course there will be. Its a relationship, nobody said it was easy. If you compromised for a relationship, then I will have to assume you did it because that relationship is important to you. But if that compromise is eating into you, building up as resentment, then you haven't compromised , you have buried. A compromise aims to beget a reasonably amicable solution for both parties. If its only amicable to one but not to the other, then its not a compromise, its a surrender of self for the sake of a respite.

In human relationships "compromise" is frequently said to be an agreement that no party is happy with, this is because the parties involved often feel that they either gave away too much or that they received too little[1].

Please , for heavens sake, don't compromise if something is important to you. Just acknowledge its importance in your life . That should be enough. There is more than enough guilt in the world as it is with out further additions.

You probably don't agree. That's okay. We will work out a compromise and be tolerant of each others opinion.

See what I mean? Ridiculous isn't it?

Anyhow.

Today I killed my facebook page.

Its actually pretty simple. They have a link ( google : Deleting Facebook account), where you log in your details and you are officially deactivated and after 14 days it no longer exist. Only hitch is that during this period, you are not permitted to go to your account. If you do, it gets activated again. Its a little like mercy killing. You are given a chance to chicken out.

I have never understood the reasoning behind letting the world know blow by blow account of your life. Then there are people you have avoided all your life wanting to become your friend. Yesterday I realized that I have more friends now than ever before and the worst part is that I don't even know most of them.

Theres a saying that an enemy of my enemy is a friend of mine. Here the case is any friend of my friend is a friend of mine.

How on earth is that supposed to work?

I really never did like Cobra ( I swear that's what he called himself. My college was a bloody zoo) . He could be St.Peter right now but as I recall him , he has made a girl stand underneath a rain water drain pipe in white salwar in the name of ragging. I refuse to forgive him. I know what he was when he had a chance to be different. He represents to me the staid, safe, docile society around me which turns into murdering, raping, mindless mob given half a chance.

He is not my friend but according to Facebook he is.

Hell, I cant even tolerate him.

Shot Nerves

The last week has been painful.

I had very kindly been the receptacle for an ear infection, donated to me by my son, which not satisfied by the damage it was doing there, decided to shift its focus to my middle ear and then take permanent abode in my facial nerves which resulted in a kind of pain , which can, I think, be described as having hot lead injected into my face; (not that I have had that done to me at any point of my life).

I can actually draw the position of all my nerves on the left side of my face. It ends underneath my second last molar on my left side which feels like a perpetual tooth ache.

Burning face with a tooth ache.

Its called Trigeminal neuralgia.

I have been showing off ever since. I have never had a disease with that many letters.

I don't think I have ever had this much attention since I broke my right fibula and tibia long time ago.

Theres nothing like good old pain to make you realize the futility of all preparation. Pain consumes you. Here are some of my findings found in the midst of pain.

- Pain lessens when one is held by someone you love.
- Pain experienced alone is frustrating and never ending.
- Here's the most pathetic truth : Another's validation or acknowledgement of your pain brings you some relief.
- Alcohol is a great pain reliever. Especially when administered orally.
- Pain brings out your innate emotion. Mine seems to be anger and sometimes laughter.
- Pain makes you realize how alone you really are.
- Pain makes you very appreciative.


All of the above are only reflections after the pain has receded. In its embrace, it consumes you. It brings you into a total focus of that pain. It is unrelenting. It makes you dance to its tune. It makes you smash the wall, it makes you want to curl up and cry.

Iam now on some very strong painkillers. Their effects last for a certain period of time. I almost feel like the incredible hulk. I know when the effects are wearing away and the next episode is going to start. I sometimes wait for it. Sometimes I let it come on thinking that I will able to take control of this one. I fall back on the pills all the time.

This got me thinking. Pain is a great deterrent. Iam sure we can find some practical application for it.

How about injecting a similar virus into the facial nerve of a person who wants to give up smoking or drinking or any such thing, which then will get triggered when one indulges in any of this. We will have to train the virus though. I wonder if we can genetically modify virus to do that. Iam sure we can. We do have evidence in the form of George Bush.

We can do similar thing to convicted rapist and paedophiles. Where they are in excruciating pain even if they look or think of a potential victim. Nah, on second thoughts, we should let the victims decide their fates. Pain is too soft for these guys. Bastards may probably like it.

Anyhow.

The damn thing is going to be there for a long time. So I plan to get acquainted with it. Its easy to sit here and be very cheerful about it after being doped up with pain killers. Lets see how I feel in about 1 hours time when it starts to wear off.

That's another thing about pain;

It looses its edge in its remembrance.

Ask any mother.

Buy your own pack.

There are sheer moments of pure genius in religions that never stops to amaze me.

Today being one of those days when I have a little time in my hand , a smirk on my face and sheer evil intentions in my mind, let me burden you, my dear readers , with some of those characters who have changed the world and beyond with the most absurd of statements and had a whole bunch of idiots living and dying for it .

The 1st prize should definitely go to the chap who invented the caste system. Imagine the persuasive oral skill of the man to actually convince you to dig shit and then to make you believe that this is your god given duty to do so and finally to make sure that all your future generation does the same!

Give the man a standing ovation.

Then there is the bunch who is convinced that there are 40 virgins waiting for them in heaven if they strap a bomb and blow themselves along with some bystanders , if they call their insane activity Jihad.

Come on, this deserves the wave. All together now.

It never fails to amaze me how stupid we really are. When I need some cheering up,I just open the first available holy book . For 100 great stuff it says, there will be 50 of the most stupidest statements ever in it.

Deuteronomy 20:10-17 "When you march up to attack a city, make its people an offer of peace. If they accept and open their gates, all the people in it shall be subject to forced labor and shall work for you. If they refuse to make peace and they engage you in battle, lay siege to that city. When the Lord your God delivers it into your hand, put to the sword all the men in it. As for the women, the children, the livestock and everything else in the city, you may take these as plunder for yourselves. . . . This is how you are to treat all the cities that are at a distance from you and do not belong to the nations nearby.

However, in the cities of the nations the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes. Completely destroy them—the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—as the Lord your God has commanded you."

To think, we are supposed to worship this guy. Hell, Iam better than him. What the fuck, my English Teacher in school, Mr.Beal , is better than him.


Ephesians 5:22-24 "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

Now, we are talking.

Manu 111.14 " A Brahmin male by virtue of his birth becomes the first husband of all women in the universe"

Fuck me blue! Blanket agreement! No wonder these guys loved to be Hindus.

Manu IV.206 ' Sacrifices performed by women are inauspicious and not acceptable to god. They should therefore be avoided '

I knew it. God is a MCP. Welcome to the fold, buddy.

( more here : http://www.bhagwanvalmiki.com/manu-smriti.htm )

Personally I think this post should no longer be valid in today's world. Today we all know that religion is a man made culture aimed to suit ourselves at that specific time. It gets scary only when it is prevented from evolving with the population practicing it. Today the above seems amusing and unbelievable, yet these were the codes upon which generations lived and died.

I think religion should always be about people. Not of an unknowable god. We have used that excuse too many times to justify all the crap we have done in the past. God didn't will jack shit. We did.

So today I propose to you a new religion.

I call it Tysism.

Its mine.

You go and find your own.

Heart Locker

Ever said the wrong things at the wrong time in the wrong possible way to your wife?

You have haven't you?

Apart from the house becoming as cold as the Arctic, theres also the silence that is so thick, that you walk around the house as if its filled with treacle. Whoever thought out that phrase: 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned', must have been one screwed mother fucker.

This post is your guide. Its your Hurt locker.

This is all about how to diffuse your pissed off wife.

Right in the beginning gauge your situation.

In order to diffuse anything, you need to completely understand the situation you are in.

You probably are now sleeping on the couch, so you have all the space you need to think and visualize your situation completely. Observe it as an outsider would. See your pathetic state devoid of feeling. Understand and accepts the facts. This will aid you later.

Fact 1 : You are screwed. This situation can go on indefinitely unless divinity interferes by making your infant fall down the steps and cutting her lips. The resultant emergency parental mode will provide you the opportunity to do the great heroic father act and pronto!, the episode is pushed into the background.

Diffuse idea no.1 : Push your child down the stairs.
Do this only if the child has not yet started speaking. The wrath of a mother is something you wouldn't want to find out first hand. It makes the fury thing seem like a round in the ring with Woody Allen.

Fact 2 : Everything you say is going to be used against you. This means that even if there was some amount of reasoning behind some of the things you had said in your argument , it is of no value right now. Try and recall the exact words that turned an amicable conversation into World War 3. Remembering that and avoiding that subject in all future conversation would mean the continuity of your nuts in its respected place .

Diffuse idea no 2 : Throw yourself down the stairs.
Hurt yourself. Totalling your car in the bargain is not a great idea.Avoid excuses like a bad head ache and any pain related to your stomach. Both are patented pains of a woman and theres no way yours are going to exact any sympathy. You need to go for something a tad bit serious. This will make the wife go on her mother/caring mode. You need to accept the caring gracefully, preferably with a bit of teary eyed appreciation ( pocking your own eyes when not being observed is a simple but effective way to get teary eyed fast). Don't overdo the teary eye bit, its really nauseating.

Fact 3 : If you are still reading this then you are aware of the silent treatment. You cannot break the women's code of silence. They decide when it should be called off. So your offhand make peace comment about the wonderful smell from the kitchen will only increase the duration of the silence. Do not , under any circumstance, feed the silence. When given the silent treatment, accept it. If you are not a believer in god, now is a good time to start. Prayers can give a man hope.Thing about silence is that it make a man feel guilty. With no apparent reason.

Diffuse idea no.3 : Throw her down the stairs.
Try not to make this serious. Cutting the break line is a bad idea, so is puncturing the gas line. It will be better to get her sick. Basically get her in a position for you to take care of her. Then go full out as if shes got only a week to live. Over do this. You will be forgiven.

Fact 4 : Truth is today's marriages are claustrophobic. In the olden days, a woman's energy could have been dissipated in varied other persons like the mother in law, sister in law, brother in law, nieces, nephews etc. The nuclear family has ensured that the husband and wife now has to get along with each other 365 days without a break. This is enough to make anyone go a little mad. So take consolation in the fact that even though it may appear that you are the cause of the problem,you are only a small part of a large problem. That makes you feel better, doesn't it? The world screws her over and you get the treatment.

Diffuse idea no.4 : Pretend partial amnesia.
Proceed with your life as if that particular incident did not happen. Go on as if you have no idea why she is changing the weather in the house. Whistle when you shave. Tell her she looks beautiful. Come back from work and tell her all about your lousy day.This will drive her nuts. Wives hate when the message they send out is not getting adequate responses. In this case proper grovelling and behaving like the dog that has bitten its master.She will be forced to bring it up with you and this is where you go :

eh? When was this? I have no memory of this? Are you sure you didn't dream this?

That is sure to confuse her. In about a years time, she will just think that shes crazy.

Fact 5 :Women are just guilt in skin. They are reared from childhood to be that way. We need to thank society , her parents , her relatives and men like us for bringing them up believing that the fault must lie with them. Bravo. Its easy to make them feel guilty.

Diffuse idea no. 5 :Kill off an imaginary friend.
With the amount of plane crashes and disasters around, theres a likely hood you may not have to make this up but if you are the sort of man like me, then the odds of the few you have dying by anything other than old age or liver related diseases are stacked very high against you. So kill off someone whose name sounds like someone you might know.Base your lie on some amount of truth. Study the dead friend in the face book. Be grief stricken . Start sobbing on the breakfast table. Don't reveal everything right away. Let it be wringed out of you. Remember the fact 5. She is going to feel dreadful placing her feelings above yours.

Fact no. 6 : All relationships are based on needs. Every single relationship is based on some sort of need or needs. There are no other kind of relationships. If you are in a relationship, theres a need thats being fulfilled. Even a seemingly unhealthy relationship is still maintained by needs. Nowadays we got fancy terms for it, like love, desire, passion, wants, security etc. These are all the same needs masquerading in different gears.

Diffuse idea no. 6 : Just say sorry and mean it.
Tell her why you said what you said.Talk to her. If she still chooses to continue the same way, accept the fact that for some it takes a little longer to regain themselves from hurt.

Be kind.

The Great Indian Circus

I have been silent last week.

No. Really.

I took on this advanced course in art of living which involved maintaining silence for 4 days.

Is it just me or is there more out there who thinks that theres something weird about doing a 'course' in the art of living. Hell, if you breathe,you are alive, stupid.

Anyways. It was nice.

Saw a lot of butt cracks.

There should be a law against people doing yoga wearing low waist track pants and short t shirts. Silence doesn't help either.

Thing about art of living and Sri squared Ravi Shankar is that you get what you paid for. Its absolute value for money.They have an agenda and they need money for it and they are selling you the ticket to enlightenment. I like it. Its in some ways very honest.

The rich shall gain heavens and the meek will be the only ones remaining to inherit the earth. How poetic.

If you are an obnoxious ,anti religious, anti cult, anti social being like me, then all you need to do is skim away the guruji nonsense,learn the skills , thank the dude and move on.

I have nothing against people who walks around with a look like they are having their nether region tickled .

Truly I have nothing against this.

Each one to themselves.

But I understand this obsession with God men.

They seem to be the only ones who seems to be getting any action.

Thing is I have no idea why people are so bothered by this.

I have seen no job description of a Hindu god man that says that he cannot have sex. There is no commandments that states that the day one joins the saffron brigade, one has to curl up his ding dong and put up a Not In Operation sign on it. I dont understand the fuss. The clans in the Mahabharata started with the progenies of a Vyasa Munni.

I do know what the real problem here is.

You fuckers are jealous, aren't you?

You just cant stand the fact that there could be guileless , vulnerable women out there who will do it to you and still worship you, if only you were a god man. You are green with jealousy. You are incredible hulk green. You just cant stand it. No wonder you are ready to rip apart a man and a woman having consensual sex and the only problem you can find is that he is a god man. If you are going to use the argument that these guys are exploiting the vulnerability of these women, then I will kick you in your groin.

Which one of you fucks has not used the vulnerability of a woman?

We are constantly exploiting vulnerability. Each time you on the TV your vulnerability is being exploited. The marriage that you hold so dear is vulnerability being exploited.Your religion, your politics, your relationships, your roles as parents, your status as a child are all thriving on exploitation of the said vulnerability. So boo hoo to your crocodile tears for the vulnerable woman in the man's bed.

So admit it. Go on. You are so fucking jealous.

But if your are into orgy, then you need to become a politician.

Ask Tiwari

Personally I think we should give this guy a standing ovation.

The great escape

Nothing is more irritating than a middle aged friend of yours who has turned a new leaf.

Whats with these morons who has a minor heart problem and the next thing you know, the guy is eating like a cow instead of eating a cow and has given up the finer things in life like a good glass of scotch and smokes. Why would anyone want to live a life like that?

Die , you bastard , die.

Worse than that guy is the romantic husband .

These fakers should be lined up against the wall and shot.

No man who is happily married is romantic to his wife. Show me a guy, who writes notes to his wife , gives her flowers every morning ,whisper mushy nonsense in her ears and holds her hand in public; and I will show you a man who is creating a smoke screen to cover a guilt.

Men who are content in their status as husbands are not romantic. Romance is a mean to attain the woman. Once the woman is attained we go about providing and protecting. We see no need to waste time on repeatedly pretending to attain something that is already attained. Any married man who is romantic is an insult to his wife. It means either he is still wooing you ( which means he is not secure in your love for him) or hes cheating on you .

Allow me to elaborate.

Men don't talk to other men about their wives when they meet up. We don't sit and chat about how great our married lives are or what a great lay our wives are or what great cooks they are.

We don't.

We don't talk about you. We don't talk about the state of our marriage amongst ourselves ( we save that for another man's wife). Contrary to popular myth, men don't discuss sex when they get together.

Watch out for that guy who waxes eloquence about his married life. That man is not happy in his marriage. He is just trying to convince himself that he is. Men hate men like that.We pity them. We wish he would shut up so that we can carry on our conversation about our cars.

We love our cars. We treat our cars better than we treat ourselves. We service our cars at regular intervals, wash it regularly, spend pots of money on it but we probably will never give that kind of attention to ourselves. Why? This is how men love their possession.

Marriage means to belong. It means to possess. It means you will always come before us. So the day you start cribbing about love being about freedom and craves for the ridiculous non possessive love (wtf?) , we start paying more attention to our cars.

A loving man owns his wife. That's how he relates to his wife. That's what makes him your husband. Marriage is ownership. Each owns the other. The difference is in the ways we treat things we own.

Women somehow never seem to be happy with one pair of shoes do they?

So there you have it.

How to know if your husband loves you?

He will not talk about you. He will not waste money on buying you flowers and guilt gifts.He will take you for granted.He will treat you like his car.

So if your hubby is the sort who makes other men gag , then I suggest , its time you start checking his collars and ramaging through his pant pockets.

Maybe I dont have to line up and shoot 'em after all.

Lost & Found

One of my blogger friends called today to tell me that her ex has lost his mother.

I curbed my first instinct to ask her, 'where?'.

Years of married life has taught me to be polite and the art of pretending to care.

After going on for sometime about the suffering of the poor woman, she consoled herself by telling me that she must be in a better place ( Not my blogger friend,who is still alive, so she must have been referring to the 'lost' woman).

I have a problem when people tell me things with certainty about things they possibly can have no clue about.

Better place?

Let us go with the popular assumption that we are all some sort of energy expressing our self. In which case the body is the vessel through which we choose to do this expression.

With me so far?

Since the body to a large part is a sensory device, this world we see around us then must be perceived through the functions of our senses. More or less. So it stands to reason that when we die; if this energy actually exists and this energy is what you and I really are; then devoid of the body everything around us will cease to exist because we cannot perceive it anymore. Its not that it does not exist but it just cannot be perceived anymore. This should be death. Right?

Actually it cant be that simple. But it sounds nice because it ties everything up very nicely. Problem is , will we be able to perceive us as our self? Possibly not. Without a reference point, which the duality of body and soul concept conveniently provides, I cannot point to one and say this one is me. Therein , my friends lies the paradox of death. For all practical purpose, it seems that with death, you and I cease to exist.

Better place? I have no idea. I cant even my bend my mind around the concept of a world without perception. You try it.

My friend thinks Iam cold. Iam not.

She thinks Iam morbid. Iam not.

She feels the dead should be respected because life is sacred and a person's death leaves a void. That effect of a person's life on another should be respected.

You think? I have no idea.

I dont know this person. Neither does my friend.Atleast not intimately. Any void she must feel is probably self induced. In this virtual voyeuristic world, where one can be kind to a nation by swiping a card, its probably self satisfying to assume that we care because we can shed tears in front of the TV screen.

We care.

Iam not belittling anything. Emotions are emotions. But lets be realistic. I certainly didn't lose my sleep when a plane went down and 96 people died.Some one's parent, husband, wife, brother, son, daughter..what have you. The only void they must have left is in the thoughts and life of those whose life was intertwined with theirs intensely. That void too will fill up.Eventually. The dead are carried only by the living. Like Siva carrying the body of Uma until the rotten carcass fell piece by piece on earth. Dead do not leave any void. The void is in the living.

As for respect. The dead don't seem to care too much for it.

So my question, my friend, still remains :

Where did your ex lose his mother?