The craziest thing in the world is where , you give your money to someone to hold and then you pay him money everytime you want to take some of your money back from him.
There must be an ancient mallu proverb that wraps up the situation aptly but I would rather go with : What the fuck!
Welcome to the world of banking.
I had opened up an account with Mashreq bank in their easy saving scheme, which is a lot like tying up your saving in a sack and then dropping it into a well. There is no ATM cards, or cheque books. So the only way you can get at your money is by climbing down the well. In short, I will have to go to the bank and withdraw it personaly. Being a lazy bum, with a dire requirement to save, I decided that this is a great option.
So each time I wanted to dip into my honey pot, I had to go to the bank, write a slip and have the teller do a third degree on me to check my identity ( as if god would dare to make someone else in my image) , ending with some money in my hand.
It worked for me.
Thats untill a few days back.
I wanted to go skinny dipping in my honey pot again and was confronted with a sign in front of the cute teller that said the bank will be charging aed 100 for every withdrawal that is less than aed 9000.
This is to supposedly encourage people to withdraw using their atm cards.
Did I tell you that my account scheme does not provide me with an atm card? I did , didnt I? Now its like paying the ferry man after you die. Raw deal.
Tell you the truth I was amused. I first thanked the universe for finally giving me something to rant about, then I called forth the manager.
So, if I want to withdraw AED 100 from my savings, do I give the bank 100 dirhams and they give me 100 dirhams, or do they take my 100 dirhams and then thank me, leaving me empty handed and puzzled?
I dont know.
Anyways, to cut a long story short, I withdrew my entire savings. I think its wiser and probably safer to just keep it under my pillow.
Truth is I dont know much about the world of banking. I also think not many people in banking have any clue what the whole shit is about. I once spoke to my brother and he told me that money is no longer valued against a country's gold reserves. Infact the value of money today is based on what some guy in some bank decides it to be.
I dont understand money. As long as it can buy things Iam kind of okay with it. But each time I look at it, I cant help but wonder that , fuck, its just paper. All this fuss for something which actually will have no relevance if found by some alien archeologist 50 millions years hence.
I think, Zerco, these primates used to eat this. Thats why they have so much of it and every fossil we unearthed has this on them. This was their food.They survived on paper, which they made , perhaps more palatable by putting designs on them. Perhaps these design has some religious significance. The face of the primate on these papers, must be their way of imbibing the soul of their leaders each time they ate it. The numbers on it must signify their calorie content.
Hmmm, Chirco, I believe you have a point. Lets call these species, Paperophages. The paper eaters
Come to think of it, they wont be that far from the truth.
* The title is in honour of Tom Cruise who is currently in my city doing some Mission Impossible sequel. He should have just tried getting home every evening on Sheik Zayed Road.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Guess who?
Don't you just hate it when someone calls you and starts playing the guess who game?
On a good day, I don't remember names. The worst is when Iam forced to put a face on a name.
Parties are a nightmare. Apart from people I know intimately, names don't register. Wife says its because I don't care. Probably. But I think the reason is more simple. Its the drinks.
Its a total cut trip when someone comes upto you, while you are among friends in the midst of a great story that involves a stripper, your best friend and a hat, and starts indulging you in a full on conversation while you are trying to figure out who this intruder is.
You know him. He looks familiar. He seems to know everything about you. He even remembers your children's names. But you on the other hand could might as well be conversing with someone after a lobotomy.
You are now frantically looking for clues. You know that there will come a time when you will have to stop referring to his wife as wifey and his kids as kids ( does he even have kids?). Normally this is the time when I will do my distract and disappear act.
This involves grabbing my phone and saying "Oh Damn!" with a look of agony on my face and then rushing away from the scene leaving everyone confused.
Then I find my wife.
Does anyone really like going for these alumni get together? Whats with people and their intense need to connect with people from the past? Do you really want to know what that snot nose kid who used to sit behind you in class 5 is doing right now?
My school life acquaintances can be divided into two. Those who I have beaten up and those who have beaten me up. I don't want to meet either for good reasons. Nothing good is going to come out of it.
My problem is that I have studied in many schools. So I guess I haven't had the chance or the time to take any roots. Moreover I haven't felt the need to make any great friends. In fact if I strain my brain, I can remember only 3 names from my school. Joe : he was a good friend of mine and he was also related to a major crush of mine, Rekha : the crush , Leena : great legs.
That's it.
Is it only me or are there more like me who has no sense of nostalgia? I mean I have had a great life so far. Nothing much to complain about. But I don't look back at my school years and sigh. Neither do I look back at any point of my life and sigh. Iam sure there are more like me. Nothing is more annoying than sitting around and reminiscing about a period of life that you no longer belong to. Do you too feel completely unattached to the person you see in the photos? Do you look at that image of yourself and see it as another? No nostalgia. Nada.
So if I cant even remember myself from those days how on earth am I expected to remember a voice from the past? That too after 31 years?
I had a call yesterday from someone who said that we were in school together and then goes : Can you guess who this is?
How on earth am I supposed to figure out who the fuck it is when the last I must have heard him speak , he definitely wouldn't have had a baritone?
Then comes those clues.
'Do you remember 'kelavan' ? ( the word is Malayalam for old man and therefore must be some one's nickname but I still have no fucking idea what he is talking about), I used to hang around with him.'
'Do you remember that I used to shove pencil up my nose and pretend to be a walrus?'
'Do you remember Gigi? I used to sit next to him in class'
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
Now, Iam a very polite guy. I don't like being rude. But there comes times in my life I feel compelled to let people know that they are beginning to seem like the ones who takes their mothers out on a leash.
Its 31 fucking years ago man. Gimme a break.
Whats stopping you from calling a person up and saying , Hey, this is Robin, I used to study with you in school. I got your number from Joseph and was wondering if we can meet up.
Was that fucking so difficult?
Or do you just happen to enjoy 20 questions every time you call someone on the phone? Do you seriously believe that the person at the other end of the line is jumping up and down with glee at the very thrill of finding out who he or she is speaking to?
Do you seriously think you are that important?
Introduce yourself. Each and every time. There might be people whose life doesn't revolve around remembering you. Have the courtesy to let people know who they are dealing with.
Its nicer.
On a good day, I don't remember names. The worst is when Iam forced to put a face on a name.
Parties are a nightmare. Apart from people I know intimately, names don't register. Wife says its because I don't care. Probably. But I think the reason is more simple. Its the drinks.
Its a total cut trip when someone comes upto you, while you are among friends in the midst of a great story that involves a stripper, your best friend and a hat, and starts indulging you in a full on conversation while you are trying to figure out who this intruder is.
You know him. He looks familiar. He seems to know everything about you. He even remembers your children's names. But you on the other hand could might as well be conversing with someone after a lobotomy.
You are now frantically looking for clues. You know that there will come a time when you will have to stop referring to his wife as wifey and his kids as kids ( does he even have kids?). Normally this is the time when I will do my distract and disappear act.
This involves grabbing my phone and saying "Oh Damn!" with a look of agony on my face and then rushing away from the scene leaving everyone confused.
Then I find my wife.
Does anyone really like going for these alumni get together? Whats with people and their intense need to connect with people from the past? Do you really want to know what that snot nose kid who used to sit behind you in class 5 is doing right now?
My school life acquaintances can be divided into two. Those who I have beaten up and those who have beaten me up. I don't want to meet either for good reasons. Nothing good is going to come out of it.
My problem is that I have studied in many schools. So I guess I haven't had the chance or the time to take any roots. Moreover I haven't felt the need to make any great friends. In fact if I strain my brain, I can remember only 3 names from my school. Joe : he was a good friend of mine and he was also related to a major crush of mine, Rekha : the crush , Leena : great legs.
That's it.
Is it only me or are there more like me who has no sense of nostalgia? I mean I have had a great life so far. Nothing much to complain about. But I don't look back at my school years and sigh. Neither do I look back at any point of my life and sigh. Iam sure there are more like me. Nothing is more annoying than sitting around and reminiscing about a period of life that you no longer belong to. Do you too feel completely unattached to the person you see in the photos? Do you look at that image of yourself and see it as another? No nostalgia. Nada.
So if I cant even remember myself from those days how on earth am I expected to remember a voice from the past? That too after 31 years?
I had a call yesterday from someone who said that we were in school together and then goes : Can you guess who this is?
How on earth am I supposed to figure out who the fuck it is when the last I must have heard him speak , he definitely wouldn't have had a baritone?
Then comes those clues.
'Do you remember 'kelavan' ? ( the word is Malayalam for old man and therefore must be some one's nickname but I still have no fucking idea what he is talking about), I used to hang around with him.'
'Do you remember that I used to shove pencil up my nose and pretend to be a walrus?'
'Do you remember Gigi? I used to sit next to him in class'
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
Now, Iam a very polite guy. I don't like being rude. But there comes times in my life I feel compelled to let people know that they are beginning to seem like the ones who takes their mothers out on a leash.
Its 31 fucking years ago man. Gimme a break.
Whats stopping you from calling a person up and saying , Hey, this is Robin, I used to study with you in school. I got your number from Joseph and was wondering if we can meet up.
Was that fucking so difficult?
Or do you just happen to enjoy 20 questions every time you call someone on the phone? Do you seriously believe that the person at the other end of the line is jumping up and down with glee at the very thrill of finding out who he or she is speaking to?
Do you seriously think you are that important?
Introduce yourself. Each and every time. There might be people whose life doesn't revolve around remembering you. Have the courtesy to let people know who they are dealing with.
Its nicer.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Blow Dry
When you stepped out your door , did you notice that the welcome mat needed a dusting? That the air was a little balmy and that cute neighbour had left her bedroom curtains open ?
Of course you did. You are a man.
Then why is that the wife's new haircut or her new wardrobe , just doest fall under that amazing radar which never misses anything of significance?
Its a mystery.
Whats with these girls and their haircuts and their feeling if you fail to notice it? Whats the big deal? How is that in any related to how you feel about them?
Imagine this :
Rose after letting go the frozen stiff Jack from the wreckage , watching him go down into the depths....thinking ; Bastard, he didn't say anything about my hair!
Yeah, Yeah, I know. You are doing it all for us and that it is insulting and humiliating when it is not even given a nod of acknowledgement. I actually get that.
But seriously. Next time , just jump us.
We are men. Getting our attention is the easiest thing there is. Especially for a woman. Just drop a pencil and pick it up. There , you have attention.
Being in a relationship with a woman is like a game of chance. You should never let her out of your sight.
'Cause you will never know what she will go and do, which then you will have to spot.
'Do you notice something different?'
Fuck! You let her out of your sight!
Ask any man, there are few words that when strung together , can make a man sweat.
Others are,
We need to talk
Do you think I look fat in this?
Ssssshhhiivvver!
Iam a middle child. I know what lack of attention can do. I had once, at a tender age of 10, ran away from home, leaving behind, on the writing table, a note to my mother expressing my despair of being an unloved , unwanted child. I spend the whole afternoon in the mountains around my house, heart aching with glee over the agony my mother must be going through. Towards evening, hunger drew me back to the house.
There were no worried crowds outside my house. In fact it was peacefully quite inside the house. I went in to find my mother taking a nap. I could faintly hear my brothers playing among the cashew trees in our backyard. My lunch was on the table , covered. My note still lay on the table , unread. So I did the only thing that was left for me to do. I picked up the letter, tore it up and threw it in the kitchen stove fire. Then I sat down and had lunch.
Next time ,I decided, I was going to tie up and hide my younger brother in the mountains and leave a ransom note . Then become the hero by bringing him back home after about 2 days.
Attention, I had decided, needs drama.
So if its a haircut. Go full out. Make a statement. I promise you, we will notice.
What I dont understand is this. This is for you men out there.
When was the last time you had your woman say something on the line of , 'hey, you are looking way too cool in that suit babe' or ' I love what you have done with your hair' ? When has anyone told you why she is with you or why she agreed to have your baby?
Hmmm?
Thats what I thought.
So, are you losing any sleep over it? Do you think she loves you lesser because she never says it?
Yeah, that's what I figured.
Then Why? I ask, why do you doubt our intentions, due to our inability to verbalize our feelings for you?
Don't you understand that the reason we don't notice the smaller , subtle things you do is because we are caught up in the glare of the larger you?
Of course you did. You are a man.
Then why is that the wife's new haircut or her new wardrobe , just doest fall under that amazing radar which never misses anything of significance?
Its a mystery.
Whats with these girls and their haircuts and their feeling if you fail to notice it? Whats the big deal? How is that in any related to how you feel about them?
Imagine this :
Rose after letting go the frozen stiff Jack from the wreckage , watching him go down into the depths....thinking ; Bastard, he didn't say anything about my hair!
Yeah, Yeah, I know. You are doing it all for us and that it is insulting and humiliating when it is not even given a nod of acknowledgement. I actually get that.
But seriously. Next time , just jump us.
We are men. Getting our attention is the easiest thing there is. Especially for a woman. Just drop a pencil and pick it up. There , you have attention.
Being in a relationship with a woman is like a game of chance. You should never let her out of your sight.
'Cause you will never know what she will go and do, which then you will have to spot.
'Do you notice something different?'
Fuck! You let her out of your sight!
Ask any man, there are few words that when strung together , can make a man sweat.
Others are,
We need to talk
Do you think I look fat in this?
Ssssshhhiivvver!
Iam a middle child. I know what lack of attention can do. I had once, at a tender age of 10, ran away from home, leaving behind, on the writing table, a note to my mother expressing my despair of being an unloved , unwanted child. I spend the whole afternoon in the mountains around my house, heart aching with glee over the agony my mother must be going through. Towards evening, hunger drew me back to the house.
There were no worried crowds outside my house. In fact it was peacefully quite inside the house. I went in to find my mother taking a nap. I could faintly hear my brothers playing among the cashew trees in our backyard. My lunch was on the table , covered. My note still lay on the table , unread. So I did the only thing that was left for me to do. I picked up the letter, tore it up and threw it in the kitchen stove fire. Then I sat down and had lunch.
Next time ,I decided, I was going to tie up and hide my younger brother in the mountains and leave a ransom note . Then become the hero by bringing him back home after about 2 days.
Attention, I had decided, needs drama.
So if its a haircut. Go full out. Make a statement. I promise you, we will notice.
What I dont understand is this. This is for you men out there.
When was the last time you had your woman say something on the line of , 'hey, you are looking way too cool in that suit babe' or ' I love what you have done with your hair' ? When has anyone told you why she is with you or why she agreed to have your baby?
Hmmm?
Thats what I thought.
So, are you losing any sleep over it? Do you think she loves you lesser because she never says it?
Yeah, that's what I figured.
Then Why? I ask, why do you doubt our intentions, due to our inability to verbalize our feelings for you?
Don't you understand that the reason we don't notice the smaller , subtle things you do is because we are caught up in the glare of the larger you?
Monday, August 23, 2010
Gods must be crazy
Its Onam.
For all the non malayalees , who in my opinion are just people on the way to becoming malayalees, let me enlighten you on the origin of this festival.
Long long time ago, Kerala was ruled by an Asura named Mahabali. This was during the times of heavy caste system among the gods. Mahabali was a good king and was so loved by his people that, the gods became jealous since the people were pretty happy with the king and didn't need much from the gods. To make matters worse the guy was an Asura, whose role untill then was to give Brahmins headache, cause trouble to the gods, once in a while meditate and get great powers from the gods, who then gets a chance to come down to earth and kill the said Asura with the same powers that was given to him.
Gods ,when they don't have people clamouring all over them with petty needs and prayers, tend to become pretty cranky and petty. Just read your books.
So one of the big honcho who goes by the name Vishnu, came down to visit the king in the form of a dwarf. Why a dwarf? Beats me. This guy seems to have a major identity crisis and keeps visiting us in various guises. Maybe he just loves the get up. Who can blame him? He spends eternity lying on a snake with his wife at his feet. Enough to drive anybody nuts. I guess this comes under the label of entertainment.
Anyhow, the dwarf reaches the king, while the king is engaged in a yagna. Yagana was what our kings used to do. It basically kept our Brahmins employed and primarily consisted of polluting the air by pouring all sorts of stuff into a fire , while making noises in a supposed language only the brahmins understood. Why? I dont know. It was supposed to appease the gods.
So as was the custom, the king offered the dwarf a wish. The dwarf asked for 3 paces of land. The king was amused but agreed. Immediately the dwarf started growing in size. Somewhat like that Mallu child actress Baby Anju.
Then:
Now:
With his first step he covered the underworld and earth. That explains this guy's flattened face:
With the next step he covered the heavens. Since everything was kind of covered, Mahabali offered his head for the god to place his last step. Hence the famous mallu come back line when asked 'where?'. Ente thalayil ( On my head) or Ninte Thalayil ( On your head) or Avante thalayil (On his head)
So before stamping him down to the underworld, the god, being very pleased with the king, probably as a PR stunt, gave Mahabali the boon of coming and visiting his kingdom once every year.
So, to add insult to injury, after stomping down a great king who was loved by his people, for being an Asura, the god ensured that he gets to see the steady decline of his country and its people for a day every year.
Talk about a crappy deal.
But it kind of makes up for this:
The second greatest thing to have come out of Kerala.
The greatest is this :
(shakeela chechi)
Note : All actress,porn stars and underworld kingpins depicted here are fictionary and any resemblence to any living or dead characters are coincidental.
For all the non malayalees , who in my opinion are just people on the way to becoming malayalees, let me enlighten you on the origin of this festival.
Long long time ago, Kerala was ruled by an Asura named Mahabali. This was during the times of heavy caste system among the gods. Mahabali was a good king and was so loved by his people that, the gods became jealous since the people were pretty happy with the king and didn't need much from the gods. To make matters worse the guy was an Asura, whose role untill then was to give Brahmins headache, cause trouble to the gods, once in a while meditate and get great powers from the gods, who then gets a chance to come down to earth and kill the said Asura with the same powers that was given to him.
Gods ,when they don't have people clamouring all over them with petty needs and prayers, tend to become pretty cranky and petty. Just read your books.
So one of the big honcho who goes by the name Vishnu, came down to visit the king in the form of a dwarf. Why a dwarf? Beats me. This guy seems to have a major identity crisis and keeps visiting us in various guises. Maybe he just loves the get up. Who can blame him? He spends eternity lying on a snake with his wife at his feet. Enough to drive anybody nuts. I guess this comes under the label of entertainment.
Anyhow, the dwarf reaches the king, while the king is engaged in a yagna. Yagana was what our kings used to do. It basically kept our Brahmins employed and primarily consisted of polluting the air by pouring all sorts of stuff into a fire , while making noises in a supposed language only the brahmins understood. Why? I dont know. It was supposed to appease the gods.
So as was the custom, the king offered the dwarf a wish. The dwarf asked for 3 paces of land. The king was amused but agreed. Immediately the dwarf started growing in size. Somewhat like that Mallu child actress Baby Anju.
Then:
Now:
With his first step he covered the underworld and earth. That explains this guy's flattened face:
With the next step he covered the heavens. Since everything was kind of covered, Mahabali offered his head for the god to place his last step. Hence the famous mallu come back line when asked 'where?'. Ente thalayil ( On my head) or Ninte Thalayil ( On your head) or Avante thalayil (On his head)
So before stamping him down to the underworld, the god, being very pleased with the king, probably as a PR stunt, gave Mahabali the boon of coming and visiting his kingdom once every year.
So, to add insult to injury, after stomping down a great king who was loved by his people, for being an Asura, the god ensured that he gets to see the steady decline of his country and its people for a day every year.
Talk about a crappy deal.
But it kind of makes up for this:
The second greatest thing to have come out of Kerala.
The greatest is this :
(shakeela chechi)
Note : All actress,porn stars and underworld kingpins depicted here are fictionary and any resemblence to any living or dead characters are coincidental.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
See
A test.
What are the first thoughts that comes into your head when you see this guy?
Would you trust him? Is he nice? Is he the kind of person you can trust when you find yourself stuck in the lift with during a power cut? Is he someone you could depend upon? Can he be cunning? intimidating?
Gullible? vulnerable?
Can you figure out a person by just seeing?
Or is this person just seeking validation? Its possible.
Or is this person putting enough thoughts in your head to get the answers he knows he is going to get? Does he appear to be the kind of person who can manipulate you?
Is he bad? Is he good?
Does he look like the kind of guy you can be friends with? Friendship is a powerful thing. It has no expectation. Only acceptence. Will he reciprocate? Will he invest?
Can you see?
Is he vain? Is he tricking you? Is he covering all the gaps? Is he influencing your answers?
The real question is :
Can you judge a person by his words and his looks?
Now see this man:
His name is Joseph Merrick.
He was and always will be a better man.
Do we really see? Can we really see?
Imagine him being stuck in the lift with you.
Would you prefer me?
What are the first thoughts that comes into your head when you see this guy?
Would you trust him? Is he nice? Is he the kind of person you can trust when you find yourself stuck in the lift with during a power cut? Is he someone you could depend upon? Can he be cunning? intimidating?
Gullible? vulnerable?
Can you figure out a person by just seeing?
Or is this person just seeking validation? Its possible.
Or is this person putting enough thoughts in your head to get the answers he knows he is going to get? Does he appear to be the kind of person who can manipulate you?
Is he bad? Is he good?
Does he look like the kind of guy you can be friends with? Friendship is a powerful thing. It has no expectation. Only acceptence. Will he reciprocate? Will he invest?
Can you see?
Is he vain? Is he tricking you? Is he covering all the gaps? Is he influencing your answers?
The real question is :
Can you judge a person by his words and his looks?
Now see this man:
His name is Joseph Merrick.
He was and always will be a better man.
Do we really see? Can we really see?
Imagine him being stuck in the lift with you.
Would you prefer me?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
More dust in your eyes.
It's the time of the year for retrospection. I have decided to include some fruits into my life. So for this month I have given up Jack Daniels and has taken up Vodka with Orange Juice.
I need the vitamins.
I have had the time to sit and reflect on many things. For one thing, being Ramadan, everything closes early. Which means that I reach home very early in the evening and have absolutely nothing else to do than watch my cat watching me. Somehow this time, Iam not particularly enjoying this being alone bit. Iam also beginning to get to know me a lot better. Iam not particularly liking myself a whole lot either.
Iam absolutely indisciplined.
This is very surprising. Considering that I have spend a larger part of my life in places where I had to follow orders. I used to shine in those environments. Put me in the army and I would become Rambo but take away someone who can show me what I can do, Iam like a dog in the park.
Normally I let my wife lead me. She tells me fetch and I fetch. When shes in the car with me, I just stop thinking. She has to even tell me the routes that we have travelled a thousand times before , much to her chagrin. I guess, given a chance, I can totally surrender living to someone else. My only problem is when others tries to influence my thoughts and words. Then I become rabid.
What I found out is that, if it wasn't for the fact Iam married, I would have destroyed myself long ago. Not that Iam doing such a great job of preserving myself now but I have slowed it down a bit. Like I don't mix my pills with my drinks anymore. Its a big step. Trust me.
I seem to love instant gratification. My life has no five year plans. Hell , it doesn't even have a 1 day plan. The maximum I can see forward is to the end of the day . I need to put something I enjoy at the end of that day, so that I can motivate myself to get there. I read somewhere that there are people trying to achieve this by reading books and paying self help gurus (!). Iam , what you call, living in the moment. In a semi daze.
I also cant seem to do anything that I don't like doing. I bet its the same with everyone, but the difference is that I don't do anything I don't enjoy doing. So if Iam doing something, Iam enjoying it; or trying it out to see if Iam enjoying it. If I don't , I will not do it and if Iam forced to do it for reasons beyond my control, I let everyone know that I hate what Iam doing. Iam very honest that way. This exasperate my wife but she somehow manages to deal with it.
Iam affectionate but not very demonstrative. I am scared of intimacy. I guess I was like that before. Iam not sure now. I was always scared that I will find someone who will coax me to reveal everything about myself to her only to have her pull the plug on me one day. It has happened to me before and I don't like being vulnerable. I have a tendency to protect myself because Iam a selfish, cold hearted coward when it comes to my emotional safety. I cannot afford to go down that road again. I almost didn't make it before. Iam also aware that this can be a self fulfilling prophesy. So loving me must be very tiring.
If left to myself, Iam inaction.( Isn't that word ironic? In action should mean being in action, yet it stands for an action less state).Most of my thoughts when Iam alone is about immediate requirements. My wife is aware of this. She knows that if Iam left alone, she will almost always find me in the same spot 3 days later. She drives me to action.
I don't mind.
Shes the one who normally will point out that I need to go and interfere when some boys are being harassed by security guards in a shopping center; or adopt three kittens that were going to put to sleep or pack food to drive to the railway station to feed an old lady or take on a potential eve teaser or visit a friend in the hospital or wipe out her savings to help someone. I need to be told. Otherwise I don't act. If I do, I do it without thinking and it doesn't register. She is the Rama to my Hanuman, the Draupadi to my Bhim, the Parvati to my Shiv.
Or the kick to my lazy bum.
She seems to have the road map and Iam just in it for the ride.
...and perhaps to change the tyre once in a while.
Its good to have a role in life I guess. Not that it really matters...but it helps.
I have this disgusting habit of mirroring.Which means that I have a tendency to mirror anything that's put in front of me. If Iam reading a book, Iam that book until the next one is placed in front of me. It could be a book, a movie, a person...It last only as long as it is in front of me. It leaves no trace when its removed. Iam not influenced, just merely reflecting. So most people tend to like me because I seem their type. Iam very good in becoming what ever it is you want me to be. My younger brother, I suspect, is aware of this. I bet he finds it amusing. I think the real me is silent and likes trekking;
.. if he can get over his drinking.
One more thing, isn't it amazing that all organized religions have become what they were fighting against? I guess when one looks the beast in the eye for too long, one risks the chance of becoming it.
Ramadan Kareem.
I need the vitamins.
I have had the time to sit and reflect on many things. For one thing, being Ramadan, everything closes early. Which means that I reach home very early in the evening and have absolutely nothing else to do than watch my cat watching me. Somehow this time, Iam not particularly enjoying this being alone bit. Iam also beginning to get to know me a lot better. Iam not particularly liking myself a whole lot either.
Iam absolutely indisciplined.
This is very surprising. Considering that I have spend a larger part of my life in places where I had to follow orders. I used to shine in those environments. Put me in the army and I would become Rambo but take away someone who can show me what I can do, Iam like a dog in the park.
Normally I let my wife lead me. She tells me fetch and I fetch. When shes in the car with me, I just stop thinking. She has to even tell me the routes that we have travelled a thousand times before , much to her chagrin. I guess, given a chance, I can totally surrender living to someone else. My only problem is when others tries to influence my thoughts and words. Then I become rabid.
What I found out is that, if it wasn't for the fact Iam married, I would have destroyed myself long ago. Not that Iam doing such a great job of preserving myself now but I have slowed it down a bit. Like I don't mix my pills with my drinks anymore. Its a big step. Trust me.
I seem to love instant gratification. My life has no five year plans. Hell , it doesn't even have a 1 day plan. The maximum I can see forward is to the end of the day . I need to put something I enjoy at the end of that day, so that I can motivate myself to get there. I read somewhere that there are people trying to achieve this by reading books and paying self help gurus (!). Iam , what you call, living in the moment. In a semi daze.
I also cant seem to do anything that I don't like doing. I bet its the same with everyone, but the difference is that I don't do anything I don't enjoy doing. So if Iam doing something, Iam enjoying it; or trying it out to see if Iam enjoying it. If I don't , I will not do it and if Iam forced to do it for reasons beyond my control, I let everyone know that I hate what Iam doing. Iam very honest that way. This exasperate my wife but she somehow manages to deal with it.
Iam affectionate but not very demonstrative. I am scared of intimacy. I guess I was like that before. Iam not sure now. I was always scared that I will find someone who will coax me to reveal everything about myself to her only to have her pull the plug on me one day. It has happened to me before and I don't like being vulnerable. I have a tendency to protect myself because Iam a selfish, cold hearted coward when it comes to my emotional safety. I cannot afford to go down that road again. I almost didn't make it before. Iam also aware that this can be a self fulfilling prophesy. So loving me must be very tiring.
If left to myself, Iam inaction.( Isn't that word ironic? In action should mean being in action, yet it stands for an action less state).Most of my thoughts when Iam alone is about immediate requirements. My wife is aware of this. She knows that if Iam left alone, she will almost always find me in the same spot 3 days later. She drives me to action.
I don't mind.
Shes the one who normally will point out that I need to go and interfere when some boys are being harassed by security guards in a shopping center; or adopt three kittens that were going to put to sleep or pack food to drive to the railway station to feed an old lady or take on a potential eve teaser or visit a friend in the hospital or wipe out her savings to help someone. I need to be told. Otherwise I don't act. If I do, I do it without thinking and it doesn't register. She is the Rama to my Hanuman, the Draupadi to my Bhim, the Parvati to my Shiv.
Or the kick to my lazy bum.
She seems to have the road map and Iam just in it for the ride.
...and perhaps to change the tyre once in a while.
Its good to have a role in life I guess. Not that it really matters...but it helps.
I have this disgusting habit of mirroring.Which means that I have a tendency to mirror anything that's put in front of me. If Iam reading a book, Iam that book until the next one is placed in front of me. It could be a book, a movie, a person...It last only as long as it is in front of me. It leaves no trace when its removed. Iam not influenced, just merely reflecting. So most people tend to like me because I seem their type. Iam very good in becoming what ever it is you want me to be. My younger brother, I suspect, is aware of this. I bet he finds it amusing. I think the real me is silent and likes trekking;
.. if he can get over his drinking.
One more thing, isn't it amazing that all organized religions have become what they were fighting against? I guess when one looks the beast in the eye for too long, one risks the chance of becoming it.
Ramadan Kareem.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Plugging : Swayamvar 2010
Its that time of the year, I have to earn my keep in marrying into his family.
If you are in Bangalore and likes good theater, please do go for this. I will not be there but hopefully you might get to meet my muse.
Say Hi to her for me.
So here you go . I hope you enjoy it.
If you were able to make it, could you please return and tell me all about it?
Thanks.
If you are in Bangalore and likes good theater, please do go for this. I will not be there but hopefully you might get to meet my muse.
Say Hi to her for me.
So here you go . I hope you enjoy it.
If you were able to make it, could you please return and tell me all about it?
Thanks.
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