Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A very merry christmas

I turned 41 sometime back.

Have you noticed how when you are in your teens, your future plans are in the span of 30 years or more?

By the time I reach 40s, I will be a millionare and would have screwed half the state of Kerala.

The planning years keep coming down as you age. In your 30s, it is about 15; by the time you hit 40s, you are down to 5. My cousin who is in his 50s confirms that it stays at 5 for him also. My father who is in his 70s says that for him it is about 1 year.

Age is inversely proportional to mortality, even the hope of it.

Did you hear about the new fad that is taking over the Dubai roads?

Its called chucking a live cat out of a speeding car.

Why would anyone want to do that? I mean this is cats we are talking about. They are as good as dead even when they are alive. The only signs of life I see in mine is when I pour Whiskas into its feeding tray.

How on earth does someone throw a cat out of a car? Actually dont answer that. In a world where rape and genocide exist, working out a system for disposing live cats out of automobiles will be a walk in the park for us.

Since another year is coming to an end, bringing the inevitable 2012 even closer, let me regale you with the random snippets of my life which has stood out among the utter ordineriness of my day to day existence.

I had told you earlier that I was caught by cop ( Iam not sure if he really was one, but he flashed me a badge which could have been an Airmiles loyalty card for all I know) for buying booze from Ajman ( where it is sold legally) and bringing it to my home in Sharjah ( where alcohol is prohibited). I had also told you that I was sure I was being scammed and therefore refused to bribe the said cop who there upon informed me that he can make life miserable for me by saying that I bad mouthedhis religion. Whereupon I requested him eagerly to lead the way to the nearest ATM.

Well, what I havent told you was that the same guy caught me another 2 times in the course of this year.

What can I say, Iam consistent.

The second time he caught me, I reminded him that this has occured about 1 month back and that he can have the JD but I will not give him any money. He then looked at me very closely ( we must all look the same ) and then recognition struck and he graciously let me off the hook with a warning.

The third time, I actually caught him before he caught me. I kind of saw him waiting so I stopped the car, got out ,went upto him and said hi. My son was with me and was impressed that I had a local friend. He was very uncomfortable and took off pretty fast.

I have never seen him hence.

Iam still drinking so I guess our path is bound to cross again. I think I will invite him home.

I did tell you that I had this bad case of a nerve disease with a long name. Well I went to the dentist for a dental xray he discovered that my molar was split down the middle. He treated it like some medical wonder since he had xrayed it a week earlier and have declared it as healthy. So he extracted it and kept it in a bottle. I have no idea what gets dentists off. What he didnt know was that I had been biting down hard to bear the pain that I ended up spliting the tooth.

Great news is that with no tooth there to bite down , I think the nerves felt a little betrayed. So nowadays when it makes it presence felt, I treat it like an old friend who calls in once in a while to say hi.

With indifference.

Philosophicaly I have hit rock bottom. The older I have become the more Iam beginning to realize how little I know. Stupidity is hard earned.

Greatest news I have heard in along time was that Harley Davidson has come to India. It has been a dream of mine to bike the whole of India on Harley with Mads. Looks like Iam one step closer to realizing that dream. Now all I have to do is make up my mind and make the time.

And perhaps inform Mads.

Life, I have come to realize ,is pretty good. Of course there is enough to crib about but there is also a shameful knowledge that you yourself got you here which helps curb any such venting. I have long ago let god and other such things off the hook for the state of things. How long can we keep finding scape goats for our own mistakes?

Talking about scape goats, Merry Christmas.


Nags said...

hilarious, as always :)

Jon said...

Here after a long time...aweomeI loved it!

Jon said...

For us mallus who have been left back in Kerala, Dubai is a paradise of gold...but u simply shatter our dreams!!