Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I dont do curtain calls

I am not into self analysis.

I love myself a little too much to indulge in such fool hardy pursuits. The hesitance could also have stemmed from previous futile attempts at trying to understand my inner nature by ticking all the relevant boxes in those - Are a real man or How to know if you are satisfying in bed etc. - columns in my sister in law's ample collection of Cosmopolitan magazines.

Yes. I read women magazine when I get a chance. Understanding the enemy is always a good strategy. Isn’t it weird that in men’s magazine we have girlie pictures and in women magazine, they still have girlie pictures. You would have thought otherwise, but no. No wonder there’s a general amount of male bashing going around; women have all turned lesbians.

Anyhow.

The readings from the ticking, which in the end will require some amount of mathematical skill, will be given at the bottom of those articles.

90 - 80: Boy, are you good! Just bronze your dong and declare yourself as a national monument.

80 - 60: You need to work at it. You need to express your desires and bribe the girl into accepting them. No. Blow jobs are not as exciting to her as it is to you.

60 and below: Just go and kill yourself. And while you are about it stop playing with yourself.

Invariably I realized that I was wasting my time finding out things about myself that were not exactly endearing.

I don’t do horoscope either.

Indian horoscopes are not your run of the mill Linda Goodman gushing about how you are the gift to the universe and how perfect you are.

Indian horoscopes are scary.

They make it so by making it appear to you that there’s a whole lot of calculations and enough symbols to give Dan Brown a hard on, going on to arrive at the answers to your puny existence.

Then in the midst of some gibberish that stands for a language that seems to be all but dead, they reveal to you your destiny.

I kind of lost interest when they started talking about some planets in somebody's houses and other such strange things. The only thing closely resembling a planet in my house is my father.

I get it. The logic behind it all. The usual argument of how moon affects tides and how we are 80% water etc. My question is only this.

What’s this big deal about us that we think our destiny is somehow very important to us?

I am scared of horoscope because it probably has nothing nice to say about me. I plan to read mine in my death bed. Just to check which parts came true. That would make an interesting read.

Thing about trying to find out about yourself is like opening your father's diary. You really don’t want to know all what you might find. Life is best lived with as much ignorance as possible. It keeps you in a state of wonder.

But when you do get the masochistic need to give the stick to someone to beat you, you tend to give importance to what others think about you.

Some of the saddest people I know are the ones who are trying their darn best to rise to someone's expectation.

And some of the real bastards are the ones who let them.

Yeah. I know you are reading this. You know where you belong.

Very early in my life I have learnt that if you want to be happy, you should give two hoots about others opinion about you and your action. As long as what you do is not affecting another adversely, I think you have all the right to go ahead and do it.

Others feelings don’t count. How someone feels about your actions is to a large extent based on their own needs. It’s not a bad thing but that’s how it is. Ideally it should not affect you if your partner cheats on you, but it will if it happens, and that feeling of hurt is more about you than about the other. So feelings don’t count when you know you are on the right track.

Hyper sensitive people are leeches. They feed on the desire to be hurt. You can’t win with them. The whole world is against them any way and the sun always shines out of their arse. It’s about their feelings and their actions and their fuck all mind where every other person has to bend themselves backwards to accommodate them.

I don’t mind sensitive people. I think they are just a little bit more fragile than thick skinned rhinos like me.

Suggestion?

Walk away. Don’t put up with it. Let them know that. Of course they will be hurt. But you are giving them what they want anyway. So in some karmic way you are being kind.

I don’t do hyper sensitive. You wouldn’t either. Hell, even sensitives don’t like hyper sensitives.

You like being insulted? Get an opinion.

Like I did. I came to know about this site from this girls blog and it piqued my curiosity.

and this was the result.

Make place girls, Big Mama is in town.

15 comments:

R-A-J said...

Hey Tys, same here, mine's apparently written by a female too (damn, where the hell is she? :))

N u're so rite bout girlie mags.. after I gt caught with 'gentlemen's magz'(:D) at home, I started buying Cosmo.. same difference ;)

As always, nice read, Tys :)

rm said...

:-)

Sonia said...

Awesome read Tys especially the part about living your life in ignorance, remember my birth father reunion? He has lost interest and I am still clinging on! Now to undo what I have done to myself :)

tys said...

@RAJ: is the usage 'same difference' correct? I mean if it is same then there cannt be any difference is there? hmmm...damn english....stupid language.

@rm : :^)

@sonia: but u did what u had to do...u wud have always wondered if u hadnt...in that sense i hope u have found some peace...now i think u can let go without regrets..or cling on without regrets too if thats what u want...

Poornima said...

@I am not into self analysis-That did it for me. Thank you.

Although you'd like for everyone to violently disagree with you so you can feel all martyred.

tys said...

@poori : martyr?! gone are those days girl...now i give 2 rats hoots what anyone thinks...not in a bitter way mind you ( for that i will have to care, which i dont)...but in a delightful, indifferent kind of way.

but i doubt anyone will disagree...there's too much of them in me.

Sairam said...

You start with I am not into self analysis and then go the whole length in to analyzing :-)
I luv your style.

Sankoobaba said...

as always there are super punch lines..

"I am scared of horoscope because it probably has nothing nice to say about me. I plan to read mine in my death bed. Just to check which parts came true. That would make an interesting read."


superb man~!!

a left hook , then a right and then knockout..

"Hyper sensitive people are leeches."
i never knew anyone could put it that way.. but then its truth.. and even that is a sensitive subject...

a superb post..as always servred "neat"..
and the results of that link are hilariously funky..

Sankoobaba said...

as always there are super punch lines..

"I am scared of horoscope because it probably has nothing nice to say about me. I plan to read mine in my death bed. Just to check which parts came true. That would make an interesting read."


superb man~!!

a left hook , then a right and then knockout..

"Hyper sensitive people are leeches."
i never knew anyone could put it that way.. but then its truth.. and even that is a sensitive subject...

tys said...

@Sairam : its the distance...always does smooth out the edges..

@sankoobaba : u do agree dont u? abt the hyper sensitive people?...they are so tiring...they are like these emotional vampires...u feel drained in their presence...no positiveness...just a dreary black cloud of fart hanging over them...i avoid them when i can...when i cant i just build this wall of silence and pretence and stay within it...

i dont mind their nature...after all most of them cant help being what they are but its their double standards that i find irritating....that they can dole out shit but cant have anyone do the same to them...i have little patience with that sort...

Jules said...

Bwahahaha.. I always thought you were a girl. ;p

Well, not really.. though I did wonder after I read that post about manis and pedis. heheheee.

tys said...

jules : my wife says there is an old nagging woman within me..that will technically make her a lesbian gerontophile but u will never hear me say that to her on her face ...

but my man boobs can make most of you go green with envy...

Door Hangers said...

Hey good content posting. Really very good readable content. I share to your blog to my twitter. By regards Print Management Software

abhilasha said...

Glad I read ur post... U learnt quite early in ur life bout ppl's opinion.. But ppl like me t still falling prey to such traps.. While reading ur did particular post.. The door bell rang.. Some relatives of MIL had arrived.. The first thg she said was.. Arey tu kaali kaali kaisi lag rahi hai.. I felt like murdering her.. Personal comments.. But I said.. Aunty main Aisi hi hun.. Kabhi kabhi gori lagti hun... And den tu baccha kab kar rahi hai.. Paanch Saal ho gaye.. I felt like saying saali r@@d... Tu chai pi aur ja na... But I said aunty aap tension na Lein... Jab Bhi honge laddu bhijva denge...
So Ian one step away of falling into the trap.. I hope so... Dodging such ppl is difficult... Only a woman can understd

karthik sekar said...

Add Your Linksubmit your links for more traffic