Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Loo Chat

There are only 2 types of people in the world.

Those who read in the loo and those who don't.

Iam of the former and it gladdens my weary heart when I go to a house and finds that the occupants have some well thumbed books in their loo. Theres comfort in books when you are doing your business. Knowledge through one end and disposal through the other. Theres some kind of poetic beauty in the whole thing.

Of course there are those who disagree. They find it disgusting.

Disgusting!? You are okay with taking a bath in the same place, your tooth brush is also exposed to your poo fumes if that's what you are worried about. Pray tell me, how ,in all that's holy, is reading a book in the loo disgusting?

Has anyone ever wondered where all that currency you hold in your hand has been? Trust me , you will be doing a Lady Macbeth if you knew.

Being an Indian, I have heard the weirdest reasons not to read in the loo.

Books are supposedly Saraswati.

The Goddess of Knowledge.

You generally don't take a lady to the loo with you. Going with the kind of stuff I have seen on the Internet, I guess this cannot be termed as a rule but taking Saraswati to the loo is bad news. You will probably be reborn in your next life as a lice on Yul Burner's head.

But come on; how long can someone stare at the tiles? What do people who don't read in the loo do? Apart from doing do do? Ever wondered about the origin of bathroom graffiti? Give a man a pen, a loo and 15 minutes and he either becomes a poet , artist or Larry Flynt. Give him a book.

I come from a glorious line of bathroom readers.If it wasn't for our bowel movements, we would have had the IQ of Paris Hilton.

A special thanks should also go to John Harrington, who invented the western style toilet. There was something very ungraceful about the times prior to that when combined with a book. I shudder to think back at those days.

The reason why I honour this practice today is due to a visit we had from some friends of ours some time back . One day after they had settled in and over a glass of Chablis, they revealed to us that they felt right at home when they noticed the books in the loo.

I had never realized. I wanted to throw my arms around them and cry with joy.

Soul mates.

What I love about reading in the toilet is that you read in small doses. Its a lot like the Atkins Diet. You think you can eat all the meat you want but you really cant eat too much meat in one sitting. Iam reading 'Lets Kill Gandhi' which is a monster of a book .A book like that in normal situation would intimidate me but in the loo it becomes something like a husband who is gradually disposed off by the arsenic wielding wife.

Now here's the question of the week.

Which is the best book to be read in the loo?

(Life and other such nonsense is not yet out so it doesn't count)


Sankoobaba said...

"Knowledge through one end and disposal through the other."

hilariously perfect!!

I usually prefer to read newspapers.. but thriller novels of authors like ludlum are also great.. mags like Bike magazine are also my fave.. Maxim too..but..

humbl devil said...


for me it's more of a thinking room rather than a reading room...:D

all the best strategies get formed there...:D

Nags said...

i am a bathroom reader too and proud of it! there you go!

Arps said...

I love people who have books in their loo! *tears of joy*

Madhumita said...

Publish Tyson publish! :D

Dawg said...

As someone who has had the priviledge (!) of sharing a toilet with Tyson for several years in college, I can testify that his passion for knowledge has made me late for the first lecture of the day on several occassions. Also, his literary tastes were considerably less lofty than "Lets Kill Gandhi"...whats say Tys?

Gargoyle said...

That's where I catch up on my magazine reading. If it weren't for the loo, I would have no idea who Avril Lavigne was, never mind what she wore to the supermarket last Saturday. Or whether it's more fashionable to hate or love Obama this week (as ordained by the Economist). Or how I could have invested wisely during the recession if I'd had any money. Or how to get a flat belly in 14 days...

Arky said...

Guess reading has some therapeutic effect on ones bowels.

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Hip Grandma said...

I think only constipated cases would have time to read in the loo.Just to take their minds off the obstinate digestive tract.BTW who or what inspires you with your choice of topics?

Shruti said...

I dont keep my toothbrush in loo :D
this is one place where no one will come n strike a conversation with u. Its there, and under the shower where I think and analyse the most :P

Hey.. when is 'Life and Other Such Nonsense' coming out :D

Shachi said...

I come from a family of loo readers as well - most of my elders would read the newspaper though...I personally put magazines in the rack inside the bathroom.....easy for me to read couple articles and good for guests too....

Loved this post :)

Vidya said...

Awwwwwww............ you wanted to throw your arms around us?? how sweet!!!
I was talking to an engineer yesterday about whether I could have recessed shelves built at a reachable level in the loo... I have this weird feeling he thought I belonged in a nut house....

मथुरा कलौनी said...

I have been privileged to visit this well stocked loo in question. The throne is generally surrounded with gloomy titles. Ghosts and Death!!

I remember my first visit. Being an avid reader myself, no matter where I am, I casually picked up one book. After going through a few lines not only could I feel hair sprouting in my almost bald plate, the effect of those lines scared the s##t out of me.

Manasi said...

I loved reading "The Golden Gate" over several visits to the grand-parlour... and likewise for Vikram Seth's "An Equal Music".

Now i am thinking of investing in leather-padded seats for hubby is an ardent follower of this glorious tradition!


Rajlakshmi said...

hehehe i have never read anything in the loo except of course the graphitti... hillarious post it was... and to your wuestion... well I dont have any idea... may be any comic would do :)

maggi said...

I havent read anything in loo. But hav friends who love reading in loo. i cant read in loo, but hav no offences against ppl who do so! :) post was hilarious :) best line : "Knowledge through one end and disposal through the other."

JuXtApOsEd_BlOgGeR said...

comics are the best thing to be read in the loo...the newspaper too...and occasionally a book u cannot put down....
wish this worked for course material too..i think thats the downside of Loo reading...never works on something you have to read...
My fav to take into the loo is MAD...
Nice entry...

lifeslikethat27 said...

Hey...this post is hilarious. This is pretty much my story...I enjoyed reading in the loo. This had landed me in trouble because I lose all sense of time as I devour the morning newspaper in the loo. Unfortunately, I am now in a country where I don't enjoy such luxuries, start work at 07:00 AM.

You should get an award for the one liner "Knowledge through one end and disposal through the other"

Jules said...

I'm always too busy looking for patterns or shapes, disguised things within floor tiles or shower curtains to read books. Occasionally I'll take Uncle John's Bathroom Reader in with me, or if i'm at someone else's house who's got books I'll flip through them. I love the Hindi film industry mags.

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Hershey Desai said...

books are saraswati is horribly flawed these days.
I would hardly call a Playboy "saraswati".

Plus some books are so intriguing that once you start them, its impossible to stop. You read while you brush, bathe, have breakfast, talk with your significant take the book out for lunch, spend an evening with it in the park. All the way until you reach the end of the page.

Those are type of books you should read in the loo..but those damn magazines, they are just time wasters.
Basically, read in the loo..but don't have a magazine rack in there!

And, technically the best book to read in the loo would be whichever one whose pages you can use as toilet paper after you finish reading them.. :P

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Sairekha said...

Publish Tys!! I'll run to the bookstand like my life depended on it for my copy:) Oh, did I tell you, I always have loved your blog :)

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Tys on Ice said...

@sankobaba : man, thats a helluava lot of choices you got there.

@humble devil: Strategies?..dont tell me you got a map in there with those pin flags too..

@nags : You go girl! proud that you have come out of the closet.

@arps : :)

@mads : as soon as you get around to editing it. :)

@dawg: Now that you have let some of the state secrets out, there nothing left for me to do other than kill you when you get back from Casablanca.

@gargoyle: pooping seems to be directly propotional to knowledge.

@arky: you bet.

@anon: how many times must i tell u that i dont know what i will do with all that money you keep promising me.

@hip grandma: necessity, my lady, necessity.

@shruti : as soon as i get around to it.

@vidya : :) toilets should have book shelves. When i rule the world this is going to be a rule.

@papa : think it served its purpose.

@manasi : invest , invest. You will not regret it.

@rajalakshmi : grafitti? Girl, where do you live?

@maggi : you have no idea wht you are missing but iam glad that you are not discriminating.

@j.blogger: i just couldnt manage the newspaper. Its too big and clumsy. Moreover, some of the news inhibits the purpose of the visit.

@lifeslikethat27 : i think so too..everytime i watch the oscars iam thinking where's mine.

@jules: when nothing is there, i too stare at patterns on the tiles. I swear jesus watches me when i poop.

@hershey : wht u r refering to is the multipurpose reading material. In my boarding school during summers, the notebooks were the toilet companion, perferbly others'.

@sairekha : :) thanks...

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Zarine said...

Oh my God! I absolutely LOVE reading in the loo! I even have a separate section of books totally devoted to bathroom reading! I prefer to read chick lit's in the loo cos that is all the respect they deserve. But newspapers are my first choice!! Newspapers and the loo make my sunday mornings complete :)

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The NRI said...

As far as I am concerned, anyone who goes for a shit without reading material is a freak. Don't know so much about the link with IQ. I have been following this practice since puberty and most people still think I am a bit of a div.

Recently, I have graduated to taking in my laptop. Have I crossed a line?

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Addy said...

hey m a member of this club too....while i prefer the newspaper or some magazine, i hv read a few books too (m nt a reader)! and when m deprived of some readable stuff i let my mind wander in to the endless possibilities of thoughts.....hv found solutions to many of life's problems n ideas to my projects sitting on the throne! :D

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