Friday, December 25, 2009

Late Bloomers

I like choices.

I bet we all do. But somehow we seem to take pride in our ability to deny ourselves things.

Iam not getting into the monogamous institute of marriage ( it need not be, depending on where or into what you are born or even what you choose to be). I know you would love to get my foot in the mouth and make me sleep on the couch for the rest of my life but I will refrain.

Take for example food.

I do not understand vegetarians.

Why would anyone choose to be a vegetarian? I don't know. Our dental structure clearly shows that nature never intended us to be that way. We were meant to eat what we get. We were never meant to be choosy but in some weird quirk of evolution, cockroaches lost the battle to supremacy and the mantel of Lord of all that he surveys fell upon us and then some prehistoric monkey developed a taste for vegetables.

I don't get it.

I like those guys who one day gave up meat because they decided on humanitarian grounds not to be part of taking life... but lets face it; Fried chicken is far more tasty than your soul.

What I do have a problem with Vegetarians is something I was discussing with a couple of vegetarian friends of mine. They haven't really helped in the ecological balance of earth, which they could have if they had enlarged their menu. You see, its my earnest belief that we tend to conserve what we think is important to us. We seem, somehow, to have an aversion towards dying.

Now if the vegetarians increased their diet to include the salads made from the nut or leaves of trees from the rain forest or made soups from the root of the cedar, oak or silver wood, we would have had a greener planet. Instead they left it to the meat eaters to protect and breed their meals on legs which now threatens to fart us out of our planet. Vegetarians could have been the saviours of our planet.

I have always maintained that, for wild life to survive we just need to start developing a taste for them.

A tiger steak anyone?

My plan to save our planet is very simple. I have been thinking... Yes, it does occur.

Now we all know that death is a great business. Funeral services are the only business that can claim year long supply of customers. Recession or not, people has to die.

So , my plan is this. When we bury someone why don't we insert a seed of a tree into the corpse's heart before we do so? Think about it. You have one tree per dead person. You replace graveyards with forests. And we can use the cremated ones ashes as fertilizers.

Personally I would like to be the worm food for a banyan tree.

Man, Iam so damn brilliant.

Now all I have to do is create a religion around it so that you will take it seriously. Nothing better than a bit of brimstone and fire and some infidels thrown in to motivate people to do the right thing.

84 comments:

Sankoobaba said...

you can call your religion, as greentology or something...

all this becoming vegan to save planet is all horse shit ..

and I agree with "ur dental structure clearly shows that nature never intended us to be that way. "

good post..keep it up

Akhil Sasidharan said...

Man, you're so damn brilliant.

humbl devil said...

but seriously... go veg..only if you wanna lose all that accumulated fat...the veg food becomes so repetitive and boring that you start cutting down on the portions automatically...

i lost a lot that way...:D

Nags said...

that's a fantastic idea!!
i love it, especially the building religion around it idea. religion is the best business to get into, my mom wanted to be the next matha amritananda mayi but didn't quite work out so now she is pinning her hope on me.

Arunima said...

i also don't understand vegeterians. I was really concerned when non-vegeterians left from the team and vegeterians joined the team. we are becoming an endangered species you see!

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Jules said...

So in essense, it'd be like you were "planting people". I guess that would work if we could put them directly into the ground and not be surrounded by caskets or boxes. Actually, I do like the idea of planting people.

Tys on Ice said...

@sankoobaba: how abt tysology? Theres a trace of maglomaniac in me.

@akhil: now now, thou dript sarcasm

@humble devil: i wud rather torture myself in the gym than become a veggie to lose weight. Ever seen a thin elephant?

@nags: damn! you could have racked in the moolah...theres still hope...i have been there...man, she works hard.

@arunima: stop scaring me.

@anon: i thank thee...

@jules : You do? Iam so glad...i have instructed my wife to do that to me. A banyan tree...with a plaque that says: Born a man; in death he became Earth

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The NRI said...

You are preaching to the converted but I have a couple of comments.

1. I eat in the finest restaurants money can buy. My steak is generally tender and melts in my mouth. It is the crunchy raw vegetables my wife scoffs that my dodgy teeth can't handle.

2. Your "mighty oaks from little corpses grow" plan is too simplistic and technically flawed. We would literally not be able to see the wood for the trees

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