Monday, June 21, 2010

Shot Nerves

The last week has been painful.

I had very kindly been the receptacle for an ear infection, donated to me by my son, which not satisfied by the damage it was doing there, decided to shift its focus to my middle ear and then take permanent abode in my facial nerves which resulted in a kind of pain , which can, I think, be described as having hot lead injected into my face; (not that I have had that done to me at any point of my life).

I can actually draw the position of all my nerves on the left side of my face. It ends underneath my second last molar on my left side which feels like a perpetual tooth ache.

Burning face with a tooth ache.

Its called Trigeminal neuralgia.

I have been showing off ever since. I have never had a disease with that many letters.

I don't think I have ever had this much attention since I broke my right fibula and tibia long time ago.

Theres nothing like good old pain to make you realize the futility of all preparation. Pain consumes you. Here are some of my findings found in the midst of pain.

- Pain lessens when one is held by someone you love.
- Pain experienced alone is frustrating and never ending.
- Here's the most pathetic truth : Another's validation or acknowledgement of your pain brings you some relief.
- Alcohol is a great pain reliever. Especially when administered orally.
- Pain brings out your innate emotion. Mine seems to be anger and sometimes laughter.
- Pain makes you realize how alone you really are.
- Pain makes you very appreciative.


All of the above are only reflections after the pain has receded. In its embrace, it consumes you. It brings you into a total focus of that pain. It is unrelenting. It makes you dance to its tune. It makes you smash the wall, it makes you want to curl up and cry.

Iam now on some very strong painkillers. Their effects last for a certain period of time. I almost feel like the incredible hulk. I know when the effects are wearing away and the next episode is going to start. I sometimes wait for it. Sometimes I let it come on thinking that I will able to take control of this one. I fall back on the pills all the time.

This got me thinking. Pain is a great deterrent. Iam sure we can find some practical application for it.

How about injecting a similar virus into the facial nerve of a person who wants to give up smoking or drinking or any such thing, which then will get triggered when one indulges in any of this. We will have to train the virus though. I wonder if we can genetically modify virus to do that. Iam sure we can. We do have evidence in the form of George Bush.

We can do similar thing to convicted rapist and paedophiles. Where they are in excruciating pain even if they look or think of a potential victim. Nah, on second thoughts, we should let the victims decide their fates. Pain is too soft for these guys. Bastards may probably like it.

Anyhow.

The damn thing is going to be there for a long time. So I plan to get acquainted with it. Its easy to sit here and be very cheerful about it after being doped up with pain killers. Lets see how I feel in about 1 hours time when it starts to wear off.

That's another thing about pain;

It looses its edge in its remembrance.

Ask any mother.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

dont u think pain is one the real things... which u can expreience.. be aware of and if trained even enjoy while its happening??

Tys on Ice said...

@anon : hmmm..iam going to get back to you on that one tomorrow. The first 2 I agree with , that is experiencing it and being aware of it...iam wondering abt training oneself to enjoy it...will get back to you on it

Jon said...

Pain makes you realize how alone you really are

very true...

Sankoobaba said...

i hate painkillers..they are like dope..temporary fix to long term problems..i prefer the pain to short term painkillers after which there is surge of pain all over again..coz with time..threshold for pain increases..
of course in some really painful circumstances i have taken painkillers...but still i hate them..

twinga said...

oh no!!! Hope things get better soon. That sucks. On a different note: didn't really enjoy this post about pain ;-) ... you know why.

humbl devil said...

get well soon buddy...
but dont u cry...dont u cry... :P

Tys on Ice said...

@jon : u been there, eh?

@sankoobaba : i have to agree with u...its an escape...but if the options are there, why not?..to wht purpose is there to endure pain other than some self indulged fantasy of vanity?...iam seeing that pain is to a large extent an obstacle...in its peak, there exist nothing but pain...theres no you...no reflections, no lessons learned...nothing...just the bearing of pain...the only benefit , philosophicaly, of pain is its ability to make you appreciative of the absence of it...medical science have come to such an extent that now they use, in case of nerve pains, some kind of blocker...it only blocks the pain or sensation in the nerves...no sedative effects...its pretty cool...

but i do get ur aversion to it...trust me on this...i used to think that i have experienced the pinnacles of pain with my mulitiple fractures, tractions, external fixtures, rebreaking set bones to reset again, having the nose broken, hands broken...then i find this new type of pain which is in the nerves...u cant even hold ur face in ur hands to subdue it...its inside...it just keeps on going, throbbing, burning...it has to run its course...

off late iam trying to delay the taking of the medication..but i think thats mainly due to my gold fish memory and my inherent machostictic nature...

@twinga : like i told u...i think u r just going to go in there , sneeze and then everything will be over...and they will bring the packet to you from the other room...my neice/nephew...u take care...

@humble devil : thanks buddy...iam stocking up on the tissues right now...just hold me...

frissko said...

Welcome to the club mate, and good luck with the recovery...If it is going to hang around for a while, with time you'll start acknowledging it as much as you acknowledge the presence of your pinky toe...But it gets annoying if it prevents you from doing things you want to...(to me, for now i miss out on playing hard and competitive, and just wobble around and get what i can at sport, though my problem isn't as cool sounding as yours :)...

Tys on Ice said...

@frissko : oh fuck man, that sounds bad..i know wht u mean...more than anything iam just annoyed..but in a wierd way iam beginning to get used to it... but its fucking annoying.

Tys on Ice said...

@anon : in response to your comment. It is one experience that is truly real. It can make you look with in. It is a blessing in some ways. It makes you face you. You can train urself to control the pain. You can use the pain to know urself. Enjoy it? I dont know. I didnt and I still dont.

Anonymous said...

definition of enjoyment varies..as per persons situations etc.. pain which is a hindrance makes u look into urself. pain cannot be shared. its between you and you. and at some point u cannot go beyond pain. it reminds one of ones limitation. being aware of pain trying to look as a second party to pain ......what other things gives so much activity with oneself.

( if good pain killers are available take it and enjoy your kids smile. thats always better)