Sunday, February 13, 2011

Too sexy for your love.

There’s this myth that is been going around for a long time which I will proceed today to dispel.

- Indian men are not sexy.

I have no idea about the origin of this myth but I am sure it’s been around a long time. It was already prevalent during the colonial times and the trip Gandhi made to London in his loin clothes didn’t help the image much either.

Now, that’s not to say Gandhi wasn’t sexy. He was. No man who isn’t sexy can have the confidence to meet the English Prime minister in his underwear. That man was sexy and he knew it.

Thing is, if you actually think about it you will realize how stupid one has to be to believe this biased allegation on my Indian brethrens.

We all know that Indian women are known as the most beautiful in the world. They have won beauty contests, acted in movies and are lusted by men/ women of all races. (My blog is whichever-way-you-swing supportive).

Further proof can be derived by the sheer number of porn sites that will open up if you Google 'desi girls'. I myself have verified this as research for this post.

Now consider this.

Enquire on whom 90% of these Indian women will marry?

Indian men.

Case closed. Bara boom Bara bam.

I know the existence of rumors about the character of an Indian man. I am shocked by the generalization of a whole population due to the flaws of a few. Never the less, let me take the time to make you see it from another perspective.

Rumor 1: Indian men treat their women badly.

This in my opinion adds an edge to the Indian men. We are the Rhett Butlers of the world. Now we all know that women tend to sway more towards men who treat them bad. Don’t ask me why they do it but they do. Ask any of those nice guys who finished last.

Rumor 2: Indian men do not know how to pleasure a woman.

What!? Man, you are talking about the guys how invented sex. We made religions around it. We have even given the world the maximum permutation and combinations possible in doing it. So in the midst of all this wonderful research for the benefit of the humankind, we kind of missed the clitoris and the g-spot. Big deal. The maximum pleasure for a woman is in pleasuring a man. It is written.

Rumor 3: Indian men are all mamas’ boys.

I fail to see the problem with this. The last I heard there’s no way papa can give birth.

Rumor 4: Indian men are horny.

Of course they are. You try living in a country where your women are declared as the most beautiful in the world.

Rumor 5: Indian men lust after white women.

Actually this is true and the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of the western media. Until an average Indian man reaches adult hood, the only naked women he has seen would have been a white woman. This is thanks to the prevalent western porn industry that caters to our collective Indian lust. Moreover our Indian national pledge has made us feel a little incestuous in having any 'dirty' thoughts on our Indian sisters. So that kind of leaves only white women for our fantasies. This problem, however, is normally cured by marriage to a nice Indian girl from a good family selected by the mother.

I have observed, in my years of study on sex and its relevance in Indian society, that there are basically 3 types of Indian men. They can be termed as:

1. T man.

These are the ones who have been stereotyped by all mallu naughty movies as the master of the house or the son of the master of the house who is always staring down the blouse of Shakeela chechi, playing the maid swapping the floor. They can also be recognized by their inability to have a conversation with a woman without their eyes dropping 6 inches below her eyes.T-men are just grown version of a boy who has not been weaned yet. Fascination towards an anatomical part of the female body whose sole function is to provide nutrition to its young cannot be termed in any other way than being the result of an early weaning.

2. A man.

These species can be found in all Indian Public transport services. In their highly active stage they can be found groping, pinching, touching the derriere of Indian women who are unfortunate enough to catch their attention. In their normal stage, these are Indian men whose attitude towards sex are normal and are focused on procreation. They wear their intention on their zip. Women are advised not to drop anything in front of these guys; worse try picking it up.

3. The T&A man.

A balanced individual. Indian version of a metro man. To this man the only criterion is that the focus of his passion just has to be a woman. Nothing else matters. What can be sexier than that?

For the Indian men reading this, a simple test to determine your type:



If you saw boobs, you are type 1
If you saw a half exposed pair of buns, you, my friend, are a type 2.
If you saw a boob and wondered what her arse will be like is a type 3
If you closed your eyes when you saw the picture, then my son, you are way too young to be googling 'Indian cleavage'.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Too funny and true. Loved it!
Gayatri :)

The Pack said...

You are brilliant Sire! No better points to break the myths...but the categorisation into only 3 types was a little too harsh on us...but will accept ;)

Absolutely loved the post...and posting the link on my Facebook "Wall" for the oblivious "junta".

Sankoobaba said...

i absolutely agree..
truly it is a stupid myth..
and nothing more..
are there just 3 types..
i thought there were more..

I think there are types..
that stare at 'them boobs, and then when somebody stares at them, gives them 'you lecher' looks...

Poornima said...

Indian men? 'Rhett Butlers of this world'?? Ayyo, littil too much, dont you think?

But anyway Ive always felt that theres far more long term love, respect & commitment with the Indian male. They seriously suck at the Butler-ing, though.

WannabeWriter said...

Hilarious!

And I was expecting a romantic mushy Valentine post dedicated to the wife! tsk..tsk! :D

Travel Bug said...

I like it that you defend the Indian man and put him in his place at the same time. No biases....you should write seriously. I bet you are an accoutant or Engineer bored out of your mind..

Arunima said...

"No man who isn’t sexy can have the confidence to meet the English Prime minister in his underwear. That man was sexy and he knew it."

lol, this was class.and also the thing about being mama's boy.

tys said...

@gayatri : i have observed that in life most of what is true are funny..

@the pack : u sure u want such a dubious link on your otherwise pristine mukh kithab?

My limiting it to 3 types was intentional. I didnt think the world will understand the fetishness of our indian men like the F-man ( fair girl syndrom), the C-man ( Cast, creed and khandhan),the S-man( stomach, sari inclined) etc..

@sankoobaba: what u r refering to are the girls who wear a track pants with juicy stencilled on the booty and we men, being very literatery inclined, seem to be staring at their butts, when in reality we are just catching up on our reading....i had written something abt this...its somewhere there...just type 'boobs' , 'tits' , 'butt' and literature on the search area ..

@poori : butler ala ma...rhett butler...that 'frankly my dear, i dont give a fuck' man...comeon, he was so indian...cant handle an independent, successful woman and then leaves her when he realizes that she can stand next to him rather than behind him...thats indian...through and through...and then there was the mush...indian mallu man.

@wannabe : i heard abt the comments that has been passing between mads and u in the montha pusthakam...one slip...and my reputation is at stake...like my son wud say 'never!".

@travelbug : wrong on both counts. i like to see myself as an advaita monk in the guise of a sales man. The work is the means, the thoughts are the real me..wow, iam so fucking pompous...but u r rite abt the boredom...how on earth does people do this their whole life?

btw, u have an enviable life...loved ur blog...

@aru : man, gandhi is so damn sexy..we shud market the dude like montblanc has done...selling a 1000 dollar pen based on a man who taught abt rejecting all luxury...what a fucking irony..gandhi is now an indian brand...like our yoga ... and our so called mystism..

Jules said...

Haha!

I do think Indian men are sexy.

There are myths about the white man too... but I think I'd rather steer clear of trying to break or justify them. I think that's about all I have to say about that.

I enjoy you.

Tys on Ice said...

@jules : u better hide ur profile. There will be a queue of indian stalkers at ur door from hence forth...

in regards to that last line....iam so fucking blushing rite now.. :)

dreamer said...

brilliantly hilarious and surprisingly true!!!

Dream Peddler said...

That was awesome! Dont know why this post caught my attention, and I am enjoying it more than ever :-)

Siddhartha Joshi said...

Hahahaha...I just cannot stop laughing :) Its so good to know all my attributes as an Indian man :)

Anonymous said...

@ TYS

So how many web pages and tell me if you put it as one word or two. :)

I'm no-3 kind, never ignore her ass. huba huba. :)

HARRY

BTW where did you get the picture from and have got any more. :)