Sunday, May 20, 2012

5 feet 5 Inches of Pure Perfection

Its been a month and I come back to see that blogspot has moved my cheese , by changing the whole look.

Dont you just hate changes?

Why do we seek to improve on things that needs no improvement. We invented it for godsake and since we did, i think , we can at any point of time, lay it on the table , look at it and then say with a deep exhalation of breath:

There. Perfect. Its finished.

But nooo. Continous improvement. Seeking prefection. Its a never ending moving of cheese for people like me who likes to stand still and wait for the inevitable ceasing to be. Its annoying. Just when you start to get the hang of it, I bet they will change it again.

Isnt it strange that when we seek perfection, we are rather admiting that there is no perfect things that does not require further perfecting?

Like the perfect man.

Now. I consider myself a perfect man.


My wife begs to differ.

But there are other women, who are not married to me, who thinks that I am the perfect husband, mothers who have not borne me, declare what a perfect son I would make, girl friends who have not fucked me, saying that I would be the perfect boyfriend.


Iam perfect. By default.

My wife seems to be oblivious to being in close proximity to such perfection.

One of my friends send me this joke :


1.. It's important to have a man who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a man who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a man who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a man who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four men do not know each other.

There you go.


For men this is a no brainer. We just want to sleep with five women if we had the opportunity and pray that they never meet each other. For all the rest of that stuff, we prefer one woman.Seriously.Name me one man who says that we needs 4 women to fulfill his emotional needs, and I will show you a predator. He's hunting.He baiting. Hes preying on the fact that most woman will not find complete fulfillment in one man, especially after marrying one.

I dont get women.

You can get a clue to their genetical makeup by observing the fact they need more than 5 pairs of shoes and a handbag for each day of the week.

And they say we need variety.

Draupadi must be the ideal marraige for a woman. Five men to fawn over her and shes pining for someone else.


Truth be told, I dont make any attempt in understanding them as women. I see them as persons. With boobs.

Remove all the garb that has been piled upon our species in the name of society, cultual, moral what nots, and you will find underneath all that self proclaimed garbage an animal who is pretty much doing what they have been doing for the last 10,000 years.

Iam personally suspicious of this propoganda by the women in the name of equality, trying to make men into women.

What the fuck is a metrosexual male?

Do women actually like men with hairless chest? Or do they stand together in the bathroom and snigger at the poor bloke who in his insecure , delusional , vulnerable phase has been convinced that sporting a hairless torso is the latest way to get into a woman's pants?

We all know that we will do anything for love but we wont do that. Now they got us doing just that.

Men dont have emotional IQ. They dont need it.In the larger scheme of things, its an unnecessity. The only good it seems to do is to enable us to try make some sense of a gender that does not want to make sense.

Try making sense of that.

They call it being mysterious. I call it fucking irritating.

Iam a man.

How we guage our need for a woman is by asking ourselves if we have to take a long trip,a really long trip into an unknown part of the world alone, who would we have by our side?

It would probably be someone who will help us with the cooking,clean up etc, someone whose company we enjoy,someone whom we can trust , who will not betray or hurt us , someone who finds us the sexiest man alive and for whom we mean the world.

It will be just one woman.

It will always be just one woman.

It just isnt practical to go on a road trip with more than one. The conversation alone will kill you.


Anonymous said...


Dear o dear, it's definitely couch for you from now on. I think you have suicidal tendencies.

I have two boys and one girl and Mrs still wins by land slide, which I can't seem to understand.

BTW when you find this perfect woman, can you ask her, if she has a sister. I'm not fussed about her looks.


TYS I have read your full blog now, I would love to read your old writeup, if you have any saved. If you have, can you send it to me via email, would love read more of your stuff. Thanks.

tys said...

harry, iam loved. That much iam sure of. Being accepted for the jerk iam, is my validation of perfection in anothers eye. I dont seek. My perfect woman is already mine. Everythings perfect. I deserve her.

Now , for the old posts, u will have to come out of ur anonimity and give me an id.

tys said...

i think i just lost my female readership :)

Anonymous said...

I will send you an e-mail, if I can find yours. I don't have a google A/C or ID. So it will have to be an email. Until then have a good one.


Jules said...

Yes women like less hair on men. Yes, it will get you laid more often, by your one single woman who will be so into you because you have less hair and she can actually see your skin and feel your skin that she won't want to take her hands off you. Period.

If you can't be perfect, be less hairy, I say. And I know i'm not alone on the matter. I know lots of women who won't even tough a man who's too hairy. Seriously. Trust me.

The Grunt said...

Four generations back, my ancestors were taking up multiple wives and hiding out in the desert. Their doctrine was all geared towards becoming perfect with the aim of becoming like God (and be granted godhood). Yep, it's all very bat-shit crazy, but I wouldn't be on this earth otherwise. I think they kept their beards, upstairs and downstairs, though.

Bramha said...

One thing never changes for sure..your chavunistic attitude..
Came back to read your blog after 2 years and happy to see tht you remain the same, chauvanistic p@$&k you are. Well done Couch dweller.

by the way, i would like to make a correction " My wife begs to differ" with " My wife would violently differ" cant imagine that living with you, she would beg to differ. she would either ignore for what is worth or react with punches it deserves....

ha i am at peace :)

tys said...

jules : u been at that man grooming thing with me for a long time...but dont u think i deserve to just be? hairy back and all..its not like iam in the market...iam married and to my full extent of being with one woman for so long , is that i get to be way will i take a razor to my body...neither do i expect my woman to shave or wax or what ever...if she does it , well great...if she doesnt , it doesnt matter..but to be something iam not, is like this compromise...its insulting to both of us...

of course , i dont get this whole metrosexual thing...i guess it pays to try it all out when you are still in the game...but iam out of it...i have nothing to prove...the only person who will have to accept me , already does...theres comfort in that...yes, it is taking things for granted...but hey, iam allowed it...if i start dehairing myself, i will be unrecognizable...i really shud ask her if she prefers me hairless...

i dont think it matters to her as long as iam me...there's comfort in that...

grunt: given that we are to be accepted for who we are...atleast physically, i think we shud be allowed to keep atleast our pubic hair....theres something so sad about a man and a clean shaven balls...its just wrong...its like women wants their man as a child...its wrong on all counts..

@brahma : 2 years?!!! damn woman, iam beginning to feel very unwanted...btw, u r right, she doesnt ever beg to differ...she just differs ...

Jules said...

You should just ask her if she'd like to be able to feel your skin as she rubs your back. That's all I'm saying. Yes, we should accept the one we're with for what they are like, certainly... but to stop trying to keep their attention means being lazy. Laziness leads to bad things in relationships. Keeping yourself prim and proper would show her that you're still trying to please her and be sexy for her. Want to keep your love life active and fulfilling? Be sexy for her. My boyf didn't even know how much back hair he really had till he had me shave it off one time and now he hates it being on there. He says that it being off makes him feel younger and more appealing. :) How do you know what's better if you don't try things? That's just my opinion though. I'm sure you'd hate it if your wife stopped shaving her pits and legs, stopped taking care of the dark hairs that are out of place on her face (if she has them) and turned more into a man than a woman... na?

Jules said...

By the way... where have you been lately?

Anonymous said...

@ Jules

I thought we fall in love with our partner because of who they are as a person, and the way they look, not on what they can be. Am I the only one who thinks this way now a days. ??????