I want to believe

I have been awarded.




By Hip Grandma none the less!

For a guy who has spend most of his educational years, ( I use that term very loosely) standing on the bench or outside the classroom, this is a great deal for me. This means at the age of 40, teachers are finally beginning to like me.

My mother will be so proud of me.

Anyhow.

Here are the required 7 little known things about me. (Does this mean I should write 7 little known, things about me or 7 little , known things about me? Thing is tags like this makes me realize how little there is to me. I would like to believe that my life has been an open book. There are not many skeletons in my closets that can come back to haunt me. Here's the trick to discourage potential blackmailers, don't do anything that you have to hide from yourself and if you did, then don't care if anyone finds out. Theres more to life than being held accountable by others for the mistakes you make in your own life. Come to think of it, it seems like a mistake only when you consider an other. Without another, there are never any mistakes, only events.

- Iam quite. Really. In the intervals between my ranting theres nothing really happening in my head. Even when I speak its almost spontaneous.So being afflicted with foot in the mouth syndrome is to a large extent a malady. This is not some thoughtless stage. You are the some total of your thoughts.Not meant in a philosophical sense but when you think about it, you are. You are a bundle of memories of events and actions. I bet you cant feel for that child when you look at your baby snaps. You remember him but you are not him anymore.I don't connect with my past. It always seemed as if it happened to someone else. I recall it , remember it but there are no great emotions attached to it. It seems to be just was.

- Rejecting things and ideas comes naturally to me. It also helps being undisciplined. Iam not blessed with the faculty of learning from an other. It seems to also help that I dont blame or is grateful to something other than myself. I have made many choices that might seem like mistakes to others but I feel that it was somehow required to make me what Iam today... a completely stupid man.

- Iam not ambitious. I have no competitiveness in me. You want to win, go ahead. I have never tried to be better than anyone. But I do enjoy doing the best I can but most of the time I don't. I probably use about 20% of what Iam capable of but I don't care. There seems to be no point in using the remaining 80% apart from proving it exist. Its also wonderful that it only requires minimal effort to survive this life.

- Iam persistent. Iam like that Hockey masked guy from Halloween. I keep coming back. I can keep getting up no matter how much Iam beaten down. There must be a real masochistic streak in me. I normally see things through.Iam very stubborn.I do things my way. I cannot take orders. I just don't. If I ever do, it will be with real resentment and it will come through one day.

- I have spend a day in jail during my college days. I got beaten up the whole night by 2 cops who wanted me to sign an FIR they had written of things I have never done. I never did sign it. Refer previous point.

- Iam not an easy person to be with on a continuous basis. Ask my wife. Iam OK in small doses. Kinda like tequila shots.

- Iam not here.I think I died in 1996.

Iam not tagging anyone in particular but I would advice anyone reading this to take it on. It kind of gives you an opportunity to indulge in yourself. The best part will be trying to believe it yourself.