Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The great escape

Nothing is more irritating than a middle aged friend of yours who has turned a new leaf.

Whats with these morons who has a minor heart problem and the next thing you know, the guy is eating like a cow instead of eating a cow and has given up the finer things in life like a good glass of scotch and smokes. Why would anyone want to live a life like that?

Die , you bastard , die.

Worse than that guy is the romantic husband .

These fakers should be lined up against the wall and shot.

No man who is happily married is romantic to his wife. Show me a guy, who writes notes to his wife , gives her flowers every morning ,whisper mushy nonsense in her ears and holds her hand in public; and I will show you a man who is creating a smoke screen to cover a guilt.

Men who are content in their status as husbands are not romantic. Romance is a mean to attain the woman. Once the woman is attained we go about providing and protecting. We see no need to waste time on repeatedly pretending to attain something that is already attained. Any married man who is romantic is an insult to his wife. It means either he is still wooing you ( which means he is not secure in your love for him) or hes cheating on you .

Allow me to elaborate.

Men don't talk to other men about their wives when they meet up. We don't sit and chat about how great our married lives are or what a great lay our wives are or what great cooks they are.

We don't.

We don't talk about you. We don't talk about the state of our marriage amongst ourselves ( we save that for another man's wife). Contrary to popular myth, men don't discuss sex when they get together.

Watch out for that guy who waxes eloquence about his married life. That man is not happy in his marriage. He is just trying to convince himself that he is. Men hate men like that.We pity them. We wish he would shut up so that we can carry on our conversation about our cars.

We love our cars. We treat our cars better than we treat ourselves. We service our cars at regular intervals, wash it regularly, spend pots of money on it but we probably will never give that kind of attention to ourselves. Why? This is how men love their possession.

Marriage means to belong. It means to possess. It means you will always come before us. So the day you start cribbing about love being about freedom and craves for the ridiculous non possessive love (wtf?) , we start paying more attention to our cars.

A loving man owns his wife. That's how he relates to his wife. That's what makes him your husband. Marriage is ownership. Each owns the other. The difference is in the ways we treat things we own.

Women somehow never seem to be happy with one pair of shoes do they?

So there you have it.

How to know if your husband loves you?

He will not talk about you. He will not waste money on buying you flowers and guilt gifts.He will take you for granted.He will treat you like his car.

So if your hubby is the sort who makes other men gag , then I suggest , its time you start checking his collars and ramaging through his pant pockets.

Maybe I dont have to line up and shoot 'em after all.


Madhumita said...

You only started talking about middle aged man turned new leaf so you could somehow lead it all upto your favorite subject - MARRIAGE. Anyway you look at it Tys - and you get full marks for exhaustive exploration on the subject - you aren't going to have your cake and eat it too. Definitely not in this lifetime. So die dream die :D

Madhumita said...

Re-read. Smart you are. Basically blanket immunity from all husband role pitfalls and "marriage is ownership" thrown in for good measure. Yeah. Right.

Pure evil genius though :D

Addy said...

Way over my age bracket. But enjoyed it actually learnt from it. ONE HAS TO LOVE HIS CAR!!! And you sure are a genius sir.......

Jules said...

Wow... from cows to cars to ownership to cheating all in one post. This could only ever happen on your blog, Mere Dost.

There's a difference between being romantic to cover something up and being thoughtful, though. Make sure you'rea still at least thoughtful, Tys! :O)

Sankoobaba said...

i agree about that romantic thing...
heck! i got tired of those "so-called" thoughtful things ..few months into a relationship..

....yeah we love our cars... and in my bike..

WannabeWriter said...

What a smart post, Tys! You have provided an excuse for all those things that you do... and made it sound like the right things to do!

humbl devil said...

nys try...:D
husbands dont own their's the other way round... :D

Curry Pan said...

love your honesty. will be back for more.

Su said...

You had me at ridiculous non possessive love. Hear, hear!

Sonia said...

Hai ram! Hehe..Anyways I crib about my husband not being romantic and all but would secretly lose all respect and be thoroughly embarassed if he became clingy and kissy and all senti all the time..yuckk

Raja said...

That's awesome stuff. Your among my favorite philosopher-bloggers from today :-p
I'll blogroll you.

Tys on Ice said...

@mads : :) thought u will never catch on.

@addy: u forgot the evil part.

@jules : Ofcourse Iam thoughtful. Thoughtful is when you make her a cup of tea when she has her period, thoughtful is when you run her a bath when shes tired, thoughtful is when you help in the laundry and the sink. Thoughtful is practical. Flowers and gifts are bribes.

@sankoobaba : married the bike? Not a bad decision if you ask me. You get to ride it any time you want and it never once claims to have a headache.

@wannabe : say it. Iam brilliant. I make being a jerk look good.

@humble devil : well, i tried.

@curry pan : thanks. Make sure you come back.

@Su : yeah. what is that!

@sonia : but u will never tell ur hubby this will u?

@raja : i will give u 3 months before you change ur mind and remove me.

P said...

Now this is a post worthy of being printed and framed as a manual for husbands and wives :-) Good one, really!

Jon said...

Not just in marriage...even during the era of courtship, if there is too much show off...then there is going to be something fishy

Behind every great exhibition lies a great adulterer

Anonymous said...

@ Tys

I like your philosophy on marriage, build a dam before it rains ha. :)

Damn you'r good. I like it. :)