Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Dont mind me, its just heat stroke.

I could never figure out these Arabs.

If I had oil and lived in a desert, I would have bought Switzerland ,named it UAE and moved my whole brood there. Perhaps send the Swiss down here to pump the oil and deposit the money into my account on a regular basis.

Will it still be called Swiss Accounts, I wonder?

Man its bloody hot here.

I got third degree burns on the bridge of my nose from putting on my sunglasses which had been left in the car. If you hang around parking lots in the afternoon, don't be alarmed to hear blood curdling screams every once in a while.

It doesn't help that Iam bald at the top of my head. Its like a landing site, trimmed all around the edges with short hair.

Somehow while watching Transporter I kind of came to the conclusion that I would like to have the hairstyle that was being sported by Jason Statham.

Now I look like a condom.

Iam one of those strange race of men who does not have any neck. My head is directly connected onto my shoulders. This means that when I wear a tie , I risk gagging myself. On windy days I also run the risk of getting chocked by my chest hair. Its not pleasant when your mouth is that close to your chest.

Thankfully Iam in shape.

Geometrically.

My chest size is equal to my waist size which is equal to my height. Iam a bloody square.

Wife has gone to India for her annual sabbatical from me.

She will be back in a month's time , all rejuvenated so that I can spend the rest of the year crushing her spirit and destroying her beliefs.

Any how, I thought why not get into a more attractive shape while shes gone. So I got my dusty cycle out from amidst the other miscellaneous, unused exercising products which serves other functions than the one they are intended for; much like the expats who work in this country; and hooked it up behind my SUV.

My plan was to go cycling every evening in the Mushriff Park, followed by a swim in the park's swimming pool and then return home to dine on a Cup A Soup and then hit the sack.

In 1 months time, when wife comes home , shes going to be greeted by a rectangle.

The problem now is the 2 bottles of Jack Daniel that graces my booze cabinet.

Being a man who has a tendency to finish what he started, my ideal is keeping me back from striving for health.

The irony! Who would have thunk that being principled might probably kill me?

What am I saying? Sticking to your principles are the best way to get yourself out of the gene pool in today's world.

Oh well, I guess if I drink lots fast enough, I probably will be able to get into my fitness regime in the next 4 days. That's if my liver doesn't decide to do the Madeleine.

But man, its hot here.

Heat sucks.

How much do you think Switzerland cost?

I could never understand why people who live in hot places are dark. Black absorbs heat doesn't it? Why does god always get the basics wrong? First he goes and puts boobs on women...

I feel the whites should move to all the hot areas in the planet. Their skin will reflect off the heat. Iam sure nature intended all dark skinned people to live in colder places. We are biologically more suited for it since we will naturally absorb heat.

So what do you say? Wanna swap countries?

16 comments:

Jon said...

Hey..I hope ur wife doesnt find you in a spherical shape instead...:D

Kidding....all d best man..soon u will be seeing in the mirror a brad pitt or his clone...You might probably have to wait in the airport terminal with her name on a board...How else would she recognise...carry some ID proofs too.

I spend a major part of my childhood there...I donno I love the place. May be because I didnt get a chance to go back.
Believe me i dont mind the heat...As long as I dont have to spend hours outside. I hate the winters there....What a strange guy am I!!!

Aarthi said...

Swapping is a cool idea too :)
And losing pounds and surprising wife.. Great !!!!

Sankoobaba said...

well i like hot..my body responds better to heat than cold..its worse to chilling cold... i mean cool is ok...but freezing..sucks..man...AC vents in my new office do that.. they freeze my blood cells..so much so that my brain slows down so much that I cant sense (jedi sense) that my boss is standing behind me, as I surf Arsenal blogs...ok I am still cribbing..

but yeah work out routine is good..but tough...very tough...esp. when star wars dvds-fizz drinks-spicy banana chips are .enticing me...ok.i will drop the topic

good to have you blogging..keep it coming...

Sankoobaba said...

jason statham is cool..i like all his movies.. esp. his crank series... kickass

Jules said...

Have you been drinking already? You look like a condom? LMAO!!

Tys.. Go out and do your exercise first, then come home and accompany your Cup A Soup with a couple of ounces of the JD. You will get fit and spread your love of whiskey over the whole month. All will be right with the world.

Now... would I like to trade locations? I think this is a novel idea. But can we only do it during our Canadian winter months? It's the cold I want to get away from. I like our summers though. Gives you 6 months respite from the heat though...... we could do a home swap thing. **sigh** If only it were that easy.

humbl devil said...

hey man...drop the cycl...just swim...and swim and swim some more...
wont feel any heat... :P

Poornima said...

''I feel the whites should move to all the hot areas in the planet. Their skin will reflect off the heat. Iam sure nature intended all dark skinned people to live in colder places. We are biologically more suited for it since we will naturally absorb heat''

Gosh, who would have thought of it like that!!?? I always manage to get some illogical-logic from you Tys! :-)

Poori

frissko said...

The black/white hot/cold thought is something man!...Never thought of things that way...

And i think the best way to good health is getting hooked to a sport (and i don't mean video games, and no not Bridge either :)...Gym, cycling et al are way too boring to persist...

--xh-- said...

2 bottles of JD? may be we can swap the cabinet :)

Tys on Ice said...

@jon: not strange at all...this place can lull you into loving it...its more safer, more organized, actually even more free in some ways....i probably wont get away with my shit in india..thats worrying..

@aarthi : actually rite now it still remains a plan...lets see.

@sankoobaba : i like cold...mainly becoz u can do something abt it...u can pile on clothes...more so becoz the layer of fat is a great insulator..

in rgds to working out...iam actually more prone towards that...iam a gym boy..i have always worked out...its just tht offlate, i cant be bothered...no motivation i guess..it happens when u marry the most beautiful woman in the world and then u say to urself, why try whn u have attained?...but the prob is that i dont identify with the guy i see in the mirror anymore...i guess i kinda like being strong...need to do this...for me.

@jules : u can do a home swap with us anytime...if ever we get to vacation in canada, u r going to my point of contact...hope u like cats.

@hmble devil: i love swimming ...but the prob is that it doesnt make u lose fat as fast as aerobic work out...moreover i always worry abt the percentage of piss in the water...

@poori : glad to please u with my illogical- logic...its my speciality.

@frissko : its been known that sex is the best way...but iam too lazy.

@xh : too late buddy...its over..during this ramadan, i intend to join my muslim brothers in the fast...happy ramadan

Sonia said...

Hahahaa....you are too much!!! But just what I needed, I so needed a laugh :))

You are a good husband, you think about getting fit and surprising your wife. My husband threatens to shave his hair off and sport a completely bald look when I take off somewhere :)

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Arunima said...

"Being a man who has a tendency to finish what he started, my ideal is keeping me back from striving for health." lol! good one.

Mohammed Musthafa said...

i love the way you can rant about a topic so well...and mix it with call backs like, 'how much do you think switzerland costs'....you remind me of the stand up comedian lewis black...your not THAT good, but still :P

hey, is there an email id i can mail you at?

Tys on Ice said...

@arunima : sad isnt it?

@mohd : tysonice69@gmail.com ...not that good, eh?...damn!

Maun Vision said...

very clever post,.the big "if'