Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Slip And Slide Away.

Its off late that I happened to see my feet.

Having a midsection that has its own zipcode and climate, prevents me from seeing a lot of other things below the belt. But one day, while stepping into the shower, my gaze happened to fall upon my feet.

It looked a lot like a drought hit river bottom.Not a pretty sight.This is why I keep a lot of things out of sight; it saves me the embaressment.

Anyhow; I came out of the shower and declared to my wife that my lower extermities has been hit by a drought. She retorted that some other neighbouring parts have already turned into desert.( Point to ponder: do you think that the reason we find oil reserves in desert is earth's way of moisturizing?)

Moisturize! My wife declared like a wild prophet from the Mount of Sinai , holding up a container the size of a milk bottle.

Iam a bloke. We don't moisturize.

We shave after we lather our face in the shower with the soap. Once , during a camp trip, I have even shaved using mint toothpaste. The result was a fresh clean shave. Its not everyday your breath and face becomes syncronized.

When a bloke is dry, we oil ourself.

We dont rub on some cream made out of a fruit cocktail. We strip to our bare necessities and have someone oil us down.

When you are married and the children are too small to be trained in the menial tasks that are expected of them in the future, that someone will be your wife.

That is unless theres something you are not telling me.

So I stripped down to my boxers, spread the picnic matt in the living room, handed over to wife a bucket full of heated coconut oil and lay face down on the matt.

Then I waited.

Upon not feeling any reassuring oiling happening, I looked up puzzled , to see my wife looking at me with disgust.

The reason?

No. Not my naked body, which trust me, is the reason she keeps in shape.

It helps with her diet.

Olive oil.

Whats with girls and olive oil?

According to her, coconut oil is for banana chips.

There were retorts I could have come up with for that comment, but Iam against domestic violence.

Babe, olive oil is a dressing. She is Popeye's girl friend. Its such a girly oil that it has got a girl's name.

Coconut.

Now thats dude oil.The word rolls in your tongue. Coconut. Theres nothing feminine there.

Theres one thing you learn when you are married to a woman for a long time. They complain that we dont listen.

Its true. We dont.

They listen.

Then they go ahead and do extactly what they want.

So ultimately, it was Popeye's girl friend who filled all my cracks with her greasiness.

After being marinaded for a period of one hour, I skidded my way to the bathroom, where I spend 2 hours trying to open the door, which kept slipping. Upon entering the shower , the process which nearly killed me, I proceeded to shower, washing Bluto's lust off me.

Now my feet looks like a broken chinese vase that has been put together with quickfix.

Moisturizing, I maintain , is over rated. Feet and hand needs the threads, which gives it a good grip. Greasing that is as stupid a pouring oil on your car tyres before taking it for a spin.

You know how that is going to pan out.

3 comments:

twinga said...

Ha ha ha!!!! :-)))) I really missed reading your blog! Btw, every time I put oil (almond oil in that case) on Ronja's head (due to lack of hair) I have to think of Mallu women and their oily hair :-))). HUGS!

tys said...

@twinga : ah...the parachute girls..do not forget the jasmine flowers ..

Sonia said...

I am trying hard to erase the image of a marinated you skidding to the bathroom hehee