Kneaded Here.

There are things that can totally shake the ground that you stand up on. Like finding out one day that Gandhi was a foul mouthed Nazi or Jesus finding out that Joseph really was his father.

For me, it was when Soumya told me that Shakeela chechi is actually from Tamilnadu.

Thats like saying the peacock is the national bird of Great Britan.

People should not play with other people's faith. Its bad manners. I bet she was punishing me for being rude to her. Jerk.

I have nothing against Tamils. If I do, you will not find me saying it here. Never mess with a population who takes their cinemas seriously. The last time I said something about a certain actor whose name starts with R and ends with t, my girl child became a boy. Now unless I want my marraige to become a lesbian alliance, I should probably stop this paragraph here.

There.

But Shakeela chechi?

Tamil?

How could this small detail of birth have been missed by her mallu fans? There is a whole generation of men from that prawn state whose epitome of sexual adventures were performed by others on the celluloid and the object of that lust was always this woman with a remarkably small head on top of gigantic assets. Shes the only woman I know, who could make a sexual congress ( my vote is on that) look like a piglet trying to suckle its mama. Its like the joke where the fly makes love to a Rhino and then asks her, did it hurt?

Mallu men who acts in mallu porns are elisted from the Kerala Tattukadas. I think this must be the day job. I came upon this revelation when I was sitting, sipping my black tea one night, waiting for my order of Parata and beef curry, watching the parata maker at his finest. He was kneading the dough. And I was going :

Wait a minute, I know that movement.

It was deja vu.

Images flickered by in my head like Amir Khan's in Gagani.Memories streamed out like a freshly squeezed Colgate toothpaste. I opened my shirt and looked at my tattoo. Shakeela chechi and the Kerala kamasutra number 79.

The boob kneading.

I had spoken about this earlier. The copyrighted sexual move of all mallu porn movie, which is followed by the nosing of the pleasuring womans body who lies supine like a fell oak, where only sign of life is the constant rubbing of her two feet like shes got a case of athletes foot.

And who can forget the visible display of a mallu girl in the throes of passion? The self biting of her lower lip with the eyes rolling back like a person suffering from an epileptic fit.

This was education to a generation whose daily lust fix was watching discreetly the women taking their bath at the temple pond from a distance of 1 kilometer.

There is a reason why we rank high in imagination. This is also the reason why mallu men hold hands. With each other.

This is also why we sport a moustache.

Its to brush away any dust while we do the nosing of our women.We have no idea what we are supposed to be sniffing for but if thats how it should be done , then thats how it will be. We are afterall a nation known for following the leader.

Sex is an important factor in Kerala.

Its like food in Ethiopia. Or health for a sick person. We dont get enough.

The result shows itself in public transports, bus stops, any crowded place, with embaressing regularity. This is why we need great individuals like Shakeela chechi. She will ensure that the horny mallu men will stay inside a theatre, like the sex trade in Amsterdam, where it can be controlled and dissipated in a healthy , socialy acceptable way.

Considering that Kerala gave Tamilnadu one of their most loved politician,MGR, its only fair we adopt Shakeela chechi as our own.

Its a fair trade.

I would like to leave you with a lovely picture of chechi in a pensive mood. ( If you are reading this at work and your boss is a mallu, make sure he is standing behind you while you scroll down; sure fire method to get into his good book)