Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Man dated BC.

Theres a whole school of thought out there regarding marriages in general. But my favourite will still remain the statement made by a famous Malayalam literary giant at a party at my mother's place, where in answer to my brothers query, he replied that marriage is an institution that has outlived its purpose and will not survive in its current form in the future. He gave it a life span of about 100 years max.

According to him man has progressed in all the spheres around him in regards to his life, comfort, ethics, laws etc but marriage still remains rooted to the past without any changes to accommodate the new thinking man and woman. He goes on to state that all the evils that you see around you in some ways are contributed by this unnatural coexistence.


Don't you love this guy?

I wanted to give him a standing ovation but my wife beat me to it.

Personally I dont mind being married. Its not the perfect environment considering that theres a certain level of adjustments required for its smooth sailing but Iam kind of okay with it since Iam not fixated with this loss of my individuality thingy.

What is this individuality we keep harping about? When did we ever have it? We are moulded from the time we became aware. This individuality is nothing but an imitation. So my take is what you dont have you cant loose. You can of course pretend you had it and then go on a search for it but since the very act of searching means you never had it will bring you back to my initial conclusion.

The real problem with marriages is none of these, its the unspoken ground rule that governs it. It is called ownership.

Marriage works for men. It used to work for women but that was because we had created an environment where it was difficult for a woman to sustain or survive without a man by her side. Women of today can do without husbands.

Sometimes I feel sorry for the men of today. The ones that suffers for the sins of their fathers. If we are possessive, we are uncouth brutes that lives in barbaric times, if we are not, we are uncaring. The men of today have been rendered speechless lest they appear primitive.If they feel insecure, it is a selfish need to control, if they become passionate, they think with their dick, if they appear jealous, its their lack of broad mindedness.

And you blame us for our lack of emotional IQ. It seems to be best seen only in movies,crappy fictions, other women's husband and the old childhood flame. I have seen women crying watching those movies where a situation similar to their life is unfolding in front of them , blissfully unaware that the only difference is that their husband does not look like Clark Gabel.

Today's man cant win. And the bastards who have created this situation we find ourselves in, are now random atoms floating in ether awaiting bonding to become ; hopefully; turd.

Apparently the way to render woman power is by bashing men. Most men finds this okay.Even justified.

But this man begs to differ.

Its funny when the joke is on the man. Really. Men are funny. Any species that looks absurd naked is funny. But those " typical male" statements are really tiring and a tad bit boring.

Iam a man and Iam not about to say sorry for what my previous generation did to your grandma. Deal with it. Iam truly glad that you are making a stand and not backing down . Iam proud when you send pink panties to those who beat you when you drank in a pub. I love your devil may care attitude, I love the way you are comfortable in your skin, I love the fact that you are respected for your work and I love the way you broke the glass ceiling. I love it when you become a mother and sometimes decide to go by it alone. I like it that you can do without us and that you sometimes wants to be with us only because you want to. I like it.

But you hit me, I will hit you back.

Equality is a bitch.

And if this makes me a male chauvinist, which in today's world means any man who begs to differ from a women's point of view, then please make sure you spell mine in capital.

When did feminism become anti-men? I dont get it but I do appreciate your anger considering that its a man who invented a bra. I would personally put men on spikes after that.

I have friends who are of the fairer sex who are more men than men. Somehow in this drive to be treated equal, they chose to become the perpetuater. Imitation is the highest level of flattery and if that's the case, then you are rewarding the cause of your misery.

But here's my take. You can stone me afterwards and I promise not to unleash Fan of Tys.

All these men were sons first.

Which means that the first imprint he had would have been from his mother, who incidentally is a woman. Where did this guy go wrong? And if he did, what was his mother doing?

For arguments sake, lets blame the father. But honestly, how important is the father's role in a child's life until he turns 6, by which his personality is to a large extent set?

Lets now blame the society. Iam for this. I like blaming society for everything including the estranged sock in my laundry. But society is a collective group of individuals. That means you, me and the rest.

I think; I could be completely wrong here, but chances are Iam right, like always; that a man could have been conditioned to see no difference between the genders beyond the obvious biological ones if you wanted.

The argument I throw to you is this : How much are you responsible for the shit that floats around?

Now while you figure this out and go about changing the future men , my request to you is to let the already damaged men out there do what we do best :

Switch on the TV, puff up the couch cushions ,open the beer can and stay out of your way.


Arky said...

Got to forward this parents who pester their children with 'Son, you are not getting any younger you know'.

Tys on Ice said...

@Arky : my man! i thought those grey hairs where dyed...u know for that mature look :)

Mohammed Musthafa said...

One amazing fact about ur writing is that u mix concrete thoughts with completely random tid bits. Its like ur ranting about many things at once...but by the last line....we completely understand what u meant.

ur an inspiration!

Joy said...

Tys, LOL... C'mon, you do like us poking into your lives right? Otherwise, men are so satisfied with their current state/environment that world will not progress :) :) :)

We respect each other and hopefully understand each other :) :)

Poornima said...

...i can scarcely breathe in anticipation of the 'statement withdrawal' post tomorrow!

Duck, Tys! Theres another atom bomb coming at you!

Rohan Rai said...

Woman are the new men...I have been saying this but no one believes this...Darn ...If you would have been surrounded by minuscule number of people around they would have thought that you have losing it...hehe

humbl devil said...

loved every bit of it...
am subscribing...

one more fan you have earned, bro...

Lena said...

don't you think that the marriage won't survive mostly because today's men are not able to adjust to the new situation? Women have got new values and thinking, men stand by the old ones.
Who to blame? Tough question. And does it really matter? If you personally can change, and people you know are willing to, and then someone else one by one would do the same, then maybe the whole marriage thing will still make sense. And some men really do adjust and we find compromises.
But for now, most men are like "we are the best and why should we ever care to adjust. We are fine the way we are, so deal with it."
But you know what? We stop dealing with it and where all the men will be? :)

PS: Loved the post, though

Blue said...

awesome post!

i love the sentence where you say some of your female friends are more males than males. that i what i am often "blamed" of being. i hate the tag. but i live the feeling :)

मथुरा कलौनी said...

Of course you will remember our last discussion over JD. My view was that you should continue blogging and graduate to higher plane of ranting. . It is very difficult to kill (even a blog). Here you are. Welcome back.
Ha Ha It will be difficult for you to wipe out the smirk on my face.

Re subject of your er.. concern, humans are still evolving. The institution of marriage is going to stay. What will change is the way we look at it or the way we define it. It will keep on evolving.

Well written thoughts!

Karmic Yogi said...

Isn't that why we love them man? Even when we hate them.


N.V.Prashanth said...

We try to imitate our western friends and we aren't good at that. Are we?

Madhumita Pravin said...

Here. we. go. again! Seriously, why does this perceived oppression of men as a subject get under your skin so much? You live in a bubble and judge too easily - man bashing is not ok but neither is this simplistic point of view of yours that dismisses any archtype (gender patterns anyone?) - just leaves you free to stir the pot and rid yourself of the responsibility to make things better. How glibly you ask women to "deal with it" - very stylish and Rhett Butler like indeed - but just a bunch of words in the end because no matter how emancipated we get and no matter how much we offend with our expectations from men, our social balance is still dependant on our much maligned womanly ability to adjust, fit in and compromise a large part of our individuality to keep things together. There are larger issues and I need a whole blog post to pick apart every point you've put out there, but for now lets just sum up and say - No dinner for the next week and the living room couch is all yours.

Jules said...

As long as there are men and women... women will still find comfort in and value men. But only if men do the same for women. We are all human, therefore, we are all equal. And both sexes need each other equally. I don't know about the whole marriage thing, I'm divorced and getting remarried next year, how confused does that make me appear! LOL

As for the sock... was it brown with pink daisies, because if it is, it's mine, and that effing freaks me out - to know that's where the dryer sends the socks it dematerializes.

Arunima said...

"Now while you figure this out and go about changing the future men , my request to you is to let the already damaged men out there do what we do best :

Switch on the TV, puff up the couch cushions ,open the beer can and stay out of your way. "

this is the ultimate. hahaha.

Keshi said...

lol Tys u always manage to make me laugh. Good on ya! And ur right, why try to FIX something that aint BROKEN ;-)


Tys on Ice said...

@mohd : thanks man...u r totally great for a man's self esteem.

@joy : :) yeah...but hush now, we need to keep up the appearences

@poori : u nasty woman...no atom bombs...just being exiled to the couch...i have even started putting up framed pictures on it since its the only place i seem to occupy...

@rohan: if women are the new men , then what are the men? they certainly are not the new women...i think they are a confused breed...thought for the day, if the women are becoming like men and men are no longer men, then who are the women becoming?

@humble devil : welcome to the club...

@lena : I dont think its a problem created by one gender...the differences that now occur are more or less related to the reversal of gender roles..i think this will resolve itself out due to the exposure of the current generations and future generation to this scenario of equality....so iam not really worried abt that...wht i do worry abt is the tendency of women to assert themselves at the cost of men...so in the future u mite become what we were to u in the past..that is not a good thing, because there is a whole generation of men who have nothing to do with all this..

i read ur magazine..its really cool..

@blue : u go girl! live the feeling...trust me , u have the best of both the world

@Papa : smirk all u want but i was too drunk and i dont recall this conversation :)...i deny everything...

okie okie...u were rite...this thing is like the evil dead ...just keeps coming back..

@karmic yogi : cant live with them, cant live without them..

@n.v.p : I think people are more global now...what is this indian culture anyway but just a pattern of life that u have inherited by virtue of ur birth? i think soon people will define their own culture by what they choose...its cooler that way...

@mads : not fair...no dinner?...damn man, i can handle the couch but no dinner? i cud die...worse i cud become thin..

@jules : ...we are like a bad habit that u just cant break...

@arunima : iam glad that u liked it...

@keshi : :)...if this made u laugh then my work here is done..

Bramha said...

"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married"
When I read this blog, I remembered this one. :) I only wish I had come across this before marriage.
I liked your post, but I think I liked Madhu's response better. Suits you just fine :)

Anonymous said...

I like being married. I'm grateful to God who gave a wonderful wife and partner to the terribly imperfect person I am. I don't care if any one feels I am a wimp. My quality of life greatly improved when I got married. I was warm, comfortable, cared for and never lonely again. And so much more....

I feel sorry for the societies where marriage has gone away. Thankfully, I wont be around if that happens in India.

eunoia said...

nice post...loved the way you put 'i am not about to say sorry for what my previous generation did to your grandma. Deal with it. Iam truly glad that you are making a stand and not backing down'

really awesome! standing ovation for that one man! love ur blog. keep writing. :)

Anonymous said...


Damn and I thought I was important cog in woman's wheel. Thanks for that TYS.